Strange Attractors
by alittlegreenrosetta
Summary: JXHQ Part 4 in the Broken Heart, Broken Mind series. Their relationship is transitioning from the bliss of new love into the deeper connection of long lasting commitment but the chaos that makes that makes up their world keeps pushing them further apart. Will the cracks in their relationship heal stronger than ever or will they split apart for good?
1. Four Weeks

_"I get impatient, with every word._  
 _The more you ask me, the more I've heard._  
 _This is a thirst that I've never had,_  
 _I've never bled for another man."_

 _Lose It, Austra_

"Harely, wake the fuck up!" The Joker's voice pulled her up through the depths of the ocean she was sinking to the bottom of. It was warm and quiet there. She began slowly drifting back to the bottom where she could lie on the velvety sand in peace. Suddenly her left cheek hurt. She opened her eyes to the bright sunlight of her bedroom and saw Mr. J standing over her, his face angry. For a moment she felt panic but as soon as she realized nothing incredibly important seemed to be happening she felt her limbs get heavy again and started to close her eyes. She was still alert enough to realize that when her right cheek began to hurt it was because Mr. J had slapped her. Again apparently.

"What is wrong with you? You're supposed to be going with me, you were the one who insisted she just had to go. Get up now or you are staying here." She pulled her eyes back open.

"I'm sorry, Puddin', I'm just so tired. I feel like I can barely keep my eyes open and like my brain isn't working. I don't think it's a good idea for me to go along." His look of anger turned to worry. They were definitely going to have the opportunity to make some real bastards bleed today, Harley's second favorite activity after anything to do with touching him. She was kind of worried for herself. She'd been dealing with bursts of fatigue for the last couple of days and it just seemed to be getting worse.

"Is something wrong with your shoulder? I know I'm not, uh, super proactive about healthcare but if it's still bothering you we can have Dr. Tony come back." She could tell he was trying to be nice about it but the truth was he was still pissed off at her for getting shot in the first place.

"I think my shoulder's ok, I don't know. I'm just tired. Let me sleep, please?"

She didn't bother to wait for his answer but just turned over to go back to sleep. She knew he wouldn't want her along on a job in this state. She felt him standing there staring at her for another minute and then he left the room without another word though he did slam the door behind him just to make sure she knew he wasn't happy. He hadn't been happy with her in nearly a month. Ever since she took a bullet in the shoulder that was meant for his head. Well what the hell did he expect her to do, just watch him get his head blown off?

They had been in Chicago for almost a year, most of that time was spent learning the way this city worked and who had the power here. After some jobs for profit and a few just for fun the Joker had finally chosen a target to focus his forces of chaos on. Aleksander Kowalski was the lucky mobster's name. He had his hand in all sort of criminal activity but most of his money was earned from a constant flow of Eastern European women brought into this country illegally to serve as strippers, prostitutes, porn actresses and "wives" for men who preferred to think of women as chattel to be owned and treated in any way they saw fit. Harley wasn't sure if the fact that Kowalski was the king scumbag in Chicago's organized crime garbage heap affected the Joker's desire to target him or if it was the fact that the man had absolutely no sense of humor whatsoever. Mr. J had a hard time resisting the urge to torment people he perceived as humorless. That was certainly part of his interest in Batman. Not that Kowalski had anything else in common with Gotham's vigilante.

So a couple of months ago they started giving Kowalski's organization trouble. Interrupting the flow of business in any way they could. It had been a lot of fun. Then last month Spider and Mr. J had rigged one of Kowalski's strip clubs with explosives and the whole city block had gone up in flames. It was late at night and the club was full of people. That didn't matter to the Joker but apparently someone working at the club had been important to Kowalski, someone he cared about. So he'd arranged a meet with Mr. J to talk things out. They knew going into it that there was a good chance it was a trap but as usual the Joker had arranged a nice little explosion all ready to go if they needed a quick exit strategy. Plus he'd brought Harley and plenty of his own guys in case they needed to shoot their way out. The meeting was mostly just a bunch of tough talk on both sides and Harley had gotten bored. She didn't understand why they had to talk to these assholes, why not just shoot 'em in the face? She started looking around the room for anything interesting and that's when she's seen the rifle scope flash from across the street. She didn't wait to find out for sure who it was aimed at she just leapt into the air and tackled the Joker. The shooter must have pulled the trigger just as she'd spotted the gun because the bullet hit her shoulder just as she had landed on Mr. J. After that guns were pulled out all around and the Joker's gang fled to their hideout so Harley could get some medical attention.

Gunshot wounds had to be reported to the police if you went to a hospital so instead the Joker had called out Dr. Tony. He was an actual doctor but he didn't have moral issues with working for criminals so long as he was paid accordingly. He was a nice guy too, though kind of a sleezeball. Let's just say he wouldn't be doing any gynecological work for Harley anytime soon. Her naked shoulder was the most he was going to get a look at. While he was removing the bullet the Joker spent the entire time pacing around and looking ready to murder someone. When Dr. Tony was done and Harley was all bandaged up she thought Mr. J would look relieved and be nice to her, maybe even thank her for saving his life but instead he told her off. It was the angriest she'd ever seen him. Apparently he didn't appreciate having her saving him and risking herself.

She felt sort of sorry and touched that he cared so much until he'd shouted at Spider asking whose turn it had been to keep Harley under control. She saw red and picked up her bat. The Joker put a bullet in Otto's head, apparently he had been her keeper for the day. He turned to yell at her again and found himself face to face with an angry Harley Quinn. After some shouting and some dancing around each other Harley had gotten a whack or two in with her bat before he grabbed her by the hair and dragged her to their bedroom to fight away from the prying eyes of the henchmen. It was their first real fight, apparently the honeymoon was over. Maybe not completely over, their shoving and screaming had eventually turned into some incredibly hot angry sex. That was the first time she pulled her stitches out with this injury though not the last. It was however the last time the Joker touched her for a couple of weeks. After the sex he seemed to get mad at her again and she still wasn't sure he was entirely over it. Things were mostly back to normal and her shoulder was pretty well healed but just when Mr. J seemed to be warming up to her again this weird fatigue had found her. Maybe she had the flu or something, whatever it was she just wanted to sleep all the time. Thinking about all this drama had worn her out emotionally as well as physically and she finally surrendered to the warm ocean of sleep again.

When Harley woke up on her own, feeling as close to well rested as she could these days, it was dark out. She must have slept for, god, sixteen hours? Was that even possible? She pulled on a tank top and some yoga pants and went to see if Mr. J was back. When she left her bedroom the living area was full of henchmen playing video games. Their latest hideout was an old warehouse that they had partitioned off into a lot of bedrooms and some public areas. Not all the henchmen lived here but a lot of them did. Harley found herself fantasizing about someday living someplace without a dozen thugs uselessly taking up space everywhere she turned. Fortunately everyone here knew who she was and treated her with a mixture of deference and flat out fear. She could smell something cooking in the kitchen which aroused her curiosity. No one who lived here cooked. She didn't know what she expected to find in the kitchen but it certainly wasn't Spider standing over the stove with Mr. J looking over his shoulder critiquing his work.

"Don't cook it too much, Dr. Tony said rarer was better." He sounded annoyed. He always sounded annoyed lately.

"I know, Boss. Are you sure she'll eat this, I don't think I've ever seen.."

"She'll eat it even if I have to shove it down her throat. Just put it on a plate." The Joker interrupted.

"What's going on in here? Have you guys been watching Food Network or something?" Harley thought maybe announcing her presence with a joke would lighten the tense atmosphere in the kitchen. Spider and Mr. J both looked at her. Spider looked apologetic and Mr. J just looked pissed. This wasn't a good sign.

"Sit down, Harley." Mr. J ordered. "Get out of here, Spider."

Spider didn't have to be told twice but Harley walked very hesitantly over to the kitchen table. She got the impression that whatever they had been cooking she was going to be expected to eat. She didn't really trust Spider and Mr. J to cook something edible. The Joker sat the plate in front of one of chair and then sat in one next to it. She decided to sit on Mr. J's lap rather than deal with whatever was on that plate. She wrapped her arms around his neck and started kissing his face. She knew if she tried to kiss his lips he'd just ignore her. Things had been pretty tense between them the last few days.

"Harley, I'm not in the mood for this. I talked to Dr. Tony today, he thinks you might be anemic and said you need more iron in your diet. Eat that." She looked over and saw that the plate had a steak on it.

"But I don't like steak, Mr. J. Besides I feel ok now. Maybe I just had a flu or something?" She leaned her head against his shoulder.

"Eat the fucking steak, Harley."

"How about if you eat the steak and I find another source of protein? If my diet is lacking in anything lately I think it might be vitamin J." She smiled in delight as he let out a laugh at her joke. If she could make him laugh then there was still hope.

"Eat the steak and then I'm yours for the rest of the night." He finally looked at her without any anger in his face and kissed her. As soon as he pushed her lips open with his tongue Harley suddenly realized she was starved for his touch. She shifted her body to straddle his lap and kissed him back fiercely. Their tongues twisted and slid around in her mouth and she felt his hand push past the waist of her pants and slide down into her panties. She apparently wasn't the only one who was hungry. His fingers found her clit and she started sliding back and forth over them. She was gasping and panting into his mouth now as the pleasure of his touch overwhelmed her senses. He pushed her shirt up with his other hand and squeezed her breast while circling her nipple with his thumb. She pulled away from his kiss.

"Please fuck me now, Mr. J. I need you so bad." She begged. He moaned and pulled his hand out of her pants. He pushed her off his lap so she could stand and she immediately pulled off her clothes. Before she could get back on his lap he stood and lifted her onto the table. They started kissing again and she buried her hands in his tangle of long wavy curls. She was sitting naked on their kitchen table but she wasn't worried about any henchmen walking in on them. She was pretty sure Spider now included a section on how to deal with the Boss and Harley's sex life in his training for henches. She reached down and unfastened Mr. J's pants, he pushed her back and grabbed her hips. He slid them down so that her ass was just on the edge of the table and pushed his cock into her. If they went more than a couple of days without sex foreplay was generally not on the menu and that was just fine with her.

"Oh, god!" She cried out as he pulled her legs up against his chest so her ankles were on his shoulders, the change in position making for a much tighter fit. Too tight really, he was big and she felt almost painfully full. She let her legs fall open to the side a little to make things more comfortable but he apparently wasn't happy with that and moved her legs back and then leaned forward so he was going even deeper into her. It felt like he was filling every inch of her. Soon the pressure edged more and more towards pleasure and away from pain as her body stretched to accommodate him. She came with a deep keening cry of mixed pleasure and pain, her back arching and her nails digging into her palms. The Joker started thrusting faster and harder, she wasn't sure how much more of this she could take. Mr. J growled out her name and gripped her hips with his last few thrusts. She heard something fall with a crash but didn't bother wondering what, she was just pleased it wasn't the rickety table they were fucking on.

"I guess you won't have to eat the steak." The Joker pointed out with a laugh. She raised up a little and saw that the crashing sound had been the plate with the steak on it falling on the floor. She smiled up at him.

"Can we have cheeseburgers instead? It's still red meat." She gave him a pleading look.

"Spider!" Mr. J shouted. He was still standing there with his cock inside her and it didn't feel like he was getting any softer. She giggled at the sight of him ordering dinner from a goon with her ankles up on his shoulders.

"Yeah, Boss?" Spider shouted back. He wasn't being disrespectful, he was just smart about not walking into rooms that Harley and Mr. J were alone in.

"We need cheeseburgers!"

"Sure thing, Boss."

"And chocolate milkshakes" Harley called out before Spider left. "Gee, he'll be gone for at least twenty minutes, whatever will we do to amuse ourselves?"

"Still feeling low on vitamin J?" He asked while pulling his still hard cock out of her. She jumped off the table and got on her knees with a happy little squeak.


	2. Eight Weeks

_"I love your blonde hair_  
 _I kiss your pigtails_  
 _And I could not share_  
 _The scratch of your nails"_

 _Deutscher Girls, Adam Ant_

The Joker was sitting up in his bed watching Harley's blond head moving as she sucked his cock. He was thinking about how odd she had been lately. Normally when she was doing this he would be lost in the sucking, swirling pleasure of her mouth but he was too uneasy about her behavior to completely immerse himself in the experience. Things had been so up and down with her since the night she got shot. For a while it had been his fault, he was angry and taking it out on her by avoiding her or ignoring her. Much more effective with Harley than anything he could do physically. Throwing herself in front of a bullet meant for him was incredibly stupid but exactly what he'd expect from her which was why he had long ago started assigning his henchmen to keep an eye on her so she didn't go around doing stupid things on impulse. He would have been over his anger the minute he killed whoever had failed to keep her out of trouble but then she had to make a huge thing over the fact that he had his goons babysitting her in the first place. He didn't mind fighting with Harley, it could be a lot of fun at times but then she'd hit him with her bat and while he could ignore it physically he knew enough about the inner workings of the thug brain to know he couldn't let her get away with that in front of the guys that worked for him. So he had ended up dragging her out of the room by her hair like a caveman. It didn't really matter that the fight had led to sex, he was still angry afterwards.

Since then it seemed like Harley's personality changed faster than anyone could be expected to keep up with. Of course during her recovery from the bullet hole in her shoulder she was impossible to live with. She couldn't fight or flip around or do much of anything except throw temper tantrums. But since then there had been bursts of mania, days full of tears and her obnoxious bout of such extreme fatigue she couldn't even be bothered to leave the bed most days. Lately the problem was sex. Not just Harley's normal extremely high sex drive but an intense yearning she had that could not be satisfied. He shifted his jaw and massaged an ache on one side. He'd spent the last half an hour with his face between her legs. It didn't matter, nothing actually quieted her need for very long. He'd always imagined he'd die in an explosion or from a gangster's bullet but if this kept up, Harley was going to fuck him to death. He could think of worse ways to go. All the same something about this situation was bothering him. It wasn't that she wanted it all the time, it was that for the first time since they had gotten together her sex drive didn't seem to have anything to do with him.

Sometime in the last few days Harley had starting keeping a secret from him. He didn't like that. She had been taking advantage of the fact that they didn't keep the same hours to sneak out of the hideout and do something she didn't want him to know about. He rarely slept for more than 4 hours and got up with the sun every day. He'd leave her behind in bed and go out into the world. There were certain things you had to do to make sure nothing ever took you by surprise. People had to be talked to, connections made, deals worked out. Things that Harley would only be a hindrance to, which was essentially anything that didn't involve killing or fucking. Usually he'd return in the afternoon or evening to an enthusiastic and devoted Harley Quinn. Lately he would find her gone and all that the boys knew was that she had gone out for a walk. When she eventually returned it was in a frenzy of desire. She'd jump him; her skin salty with sweat and her pussy already wet from something or someone that had nothing to do with him. It was time to end this mystery.

"Is something wrong, Mr. J?" Harley looked up from where she was unsuccessfully attempting to suck him off. He pushed his concerns about her aside until he could do something about them.

"I think I may need a break, Cupcake. Let's try getting some sleep." She looked a little sad at the suggestion but didn't argue, just pulled herself up on the bed and snuggled against him as closely as she could.

At sunrise he woke as usual and quietly got out of bed, leaving Harley still soundly asleep. He went into the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. His mouth and chin were completely bare of make-up. It was hard keeping it on around Harley, especially since her favorite place to sit was on his face. He intended to find out what secret thing Harley was doing today so he took a shower and left his face clean of make-up. If he walked around looking like himself she'd spot him immediately. He pulled on some jeans, a tee shirt and a hooded jacket. After stopping by the kitchen for a travel cup of coffee he left the hideout and got comfortable in an abandoned building across the street. He knew he could have a goon out here doing the boring stake out work but he didn't know what Harley was up to, it might be something he didn't want his guys knowing about.

Eventually Harley came out of the hideout and looked around to make sure she wasn't being observed. She had also chosen to dress inconspicuously, another sign that what she was doing was not Joker approved. She began walking down the road and he gave her a small head start before he followed. She was far enough ahead of him that he could still keep track of her but she couldn't hear him behind her. Harley seemed cheerful about wherever she was headed, she would occasionally start skipping and at one point she stopped to do a cartwheel. The warehouse they were staying at was in a mostly abandoned area of an old industrial part of town. Outside of his own gang most of the people around were drug addicts, dealers, homeless people and the occasional gang member though most of them avoided the area they knew the Joker to be residing in. Harley turned down a side street and he hurried up to make sure he didn't lose sight of her. When he peered around the corner of the building he saw that she had stopped and was doing the exact same thing at the corner of another building. He didn't know who she was watching but it occurred to him that he finally knew what she was doing. She was hunting.

She waited another minute or two and then walked around the corner she'd been hiding behind. He hurried over to her former hiding spot and before he could peek his head around he heard voices not far from him. He realized it was Harley talking to an unknown man.

"Look, it's twenty bucks. I'm sure a nice looking girl like you could figure out where to come by twenty dollars."

"Sure I could but I need something now. Couldn't we make a trade?" Her voice was sultry, it was clear what she was trying to trade. For what? Drugs? He'd know if Harley was using something. She was baiting her trap.

"I don't normally do that but you look pretty good, why not? This way."

When the Joker was sure that they weren't headed his way he looked around the corner and saw Harley being led into an empty building by a young Hispanic guy. There was a brief moment where rage flared up in him. She'd been so crazy horny lately a small part of him worried maybe she was looking to fuck this guy. He pushed it quickly aside, he knew Harley better than that. She might be keeping a secret from him but she wouldn't betray him, not really. He gave them a minute to get inside and then walked over to listen at the door of the building they had just entered. He heard loud, crazed laughing inside followed by the sound of someone being struck.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, bitch? Just take the junk and go but if I see you around again you are dead, puta!" Harley's loud laughter rang out again.

"I'm not here for the drugs, asshole. You might say I'm high on life, taking your life gets me real high." Someone grunted, it must have been the dealer because Harley was giggling hysterically.

The Joker took a chance that she would be too distracted to notice and quietly entered the building. Harley had her back to him and he was hidden by shadows enough that the man she was beating didn't seem to notice him either. She hadn't brought Slugger with her but instead was kicking and punching the young man in front of her. The Joker was surprised a guy like this hadn't had a gun but then he noticed one on the ground not far from him, Harley must have taken it off him when he was still under the impression that they were in here for sex and thrown it out of reach. He wasn't surprised that she was having no trouble with the man in front of her. Harley was stronger than she looked, had a lot of experience fighting and was nearly as fearless as the Joker was. It was amazing how easily the advantage could be gained just by not being afraid to go all in on a fight. Watching Harley fight like this was thrilling. He'd seen her do just about anything you could do to a person with a baseball bat but he'd never really seen her engage in a fight without a weapon. She grunted and shrieked and made all sorts of little noises he was used to hearing while he was fucking her. He felt his dick start reacting to the sounds.

The guy was finally unconscious and the Joker was contemplating what to say to Harley when she turned around and saw him there. He was surprised when instead of leaving the man she jumped up and crashed all of her weight down onto the man's knee. He came awake with a loud scream. She repeated the action with the other knee. Why was she concerned about making sure he didn't get up and walk away? Then his eyes went wide when she started getting undressed. She threw her clothes as far from her as she could and then got down on her knees in front of the drug dealer. The man in front of her was crying too hard to notice the beautiful naked woman in front of him.

"Now let's see what we have in here." Harley said to herself as she flicked open her knife that she apparently had kept in her hand after she undressed. She stabbed it into the man's gut and then pulled it across to the left leaving a large gash. The dealer grabbed his stomach and screamed louder. When the Joker had unleashed Harleen's violent side on the world he'd created a monster. But she was his little monster and he gloried in her viciousness.

"You're really starting to ruin my fun. No more noise out of you." She raised her knife up to his mouth, a gesture she'd seen the Joker do dozens of times. He couldn't help thinking 'How cute, she wants to be like Daddy' to himself as he watched her. Instead of using his line about the scars she took advantage of the dealer raising his head up to get away from the knife at his mouth to quickly slice the blade across his now exposed throat. A sweet laugh bubbled out of her as she was sprayed with his warm blood. The Joker was completely aroused now and reached down to squeeze his cock through his jeans. This certainly explained why she came home all hot and bothered from her walks.

"Now, where were we?" She asked with another giggle. She didn't wait for an answer from the dying man but instead sliced through the front of his shirt exposing his torso. She was saying something he couldn't quite hear and tapping the tip of her knife around the man's exposed skin. The Joker risked coming closer and finally realized what she was doing.

"….My mother told me to pick the very best one and you are not it." She raised her knife over her head and stabbed down in the last spot she had tapped. A sort of burbling sound came from her victim's open throat. She must have finally killed the guy. Death by eenie, meenie, miney, moe. She wiped her knife off on the leg of his pants and threw it over to where her clothes were. Then she dipped a finger in the blood dripping out of the man's throat and giggled as she used it to doodle nonsense on his face. The Joker snuck closer to her, he was only a few feet away now. He'd had time to decide how he wanted to deal with Harley's little secret.

She stood up and looked down at the dead man and the Joker made his move. He quickly pulled out a knife and grabbed her by the back of the neck. She screamed as he pushed her into the brick wall in front of her and held the knife against her spine.

"Do you know what happens to little girls who think they can just go around killing anyone they feel like?" He asked in a gravelly voice as unlike his own as he could make it. He sounded a little like Batman. He worked hard at not laughing at that thought.

"You'd better kill me or let me go right now. Anything else happens you're gonna wish you were never born and I'm gonna be wearin' your balls as earrings!" Harley threatened. Good for her, he thought and then he couldn't help but laugh at her.

"But what if I have something else in mind for you, Cupcake?" He asked in his own voice.

"Mr. J?" She was clearly surprised by his presence. He let go of her. She turned around and he got a good look at her; her eyes were bright, her cheeks and chest flushed and her ivory skin was covered in little spatters of blood. She moved her eyes down to look at her feet, she was clearly ashamed of herself. He grabbed her chin and pushed her head up so she had to look him in the eyes. An adorable dark pink blush took over her face.

"Are you mad at me, Mr. J?" She asked timidly.

"Shut up, Harley." The Joker pushed her back up against the wall and kissed her fiercely. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back. He pulled her bottom lip into his mouth and bit it hard, sucking at her coppery blood. She was pinned against the wall by his body and he reached down and undid his jeans, freeing his erection. He pulled one of her legs up and wrapped it around his waist and slid his cock into her. She was wet, he knew she would be, it was obvious from the past few days that these little hunting trips were extremely exciting for her. Still as he thrust into her she cried out in pain.

"Mr. J, these bricks are kind of hurty." She complained.

"Good, that'll teach you not to keep secrets from Daddy." He thrust into her harder. Who said punishment couldn't be fun too?

"You're right, Mr. J. I've been a very bad girl." He didn't want to hear it.

"What part of shut up was confusing?" He wrapped a hand around her throat and squeezed hard enough she'd have trouble speaking but not so hard she couldn't breathe. He just wanted to fuck her, no emotional drama, no explanations from her. Things had gotten entirely too complicated between them lately and he was sick of it.

She seemed to quickly accept that she was there for his pleasure and her pain was of no concern to him. With that acceptance came greater enthusiasm from her. She pulled her other leg up and wrapped it around him so that her body was entirely supported by him and the wall and started pushing back hard against him. He felt her nails dig into the skin at the back of his neck, electric sparks zapped down his spine from the pain.

"Harder, Harley." He growled at her, he was close. She pushed her nails in again and her pussy gripped his cock in time with the pain. It was good but not enough.

"Fuck, I said harder, Harley!" He squeezed her throat more firmly for emphasis. She dug her nails further into his neck and then drug them across his skin leaving streaks of fiery pain along their path. He released her throat and she pulled in a deep breath that was then released as a series of screams. Her muscles contracted hard around him and pulled him over the edge with her. He pressed his forehead to hers while they both panted and then gave her a kiss before pulling back enough that she could stand and could move her back away from the bricks. She was still wrapped around him and not letting go.

"I'm sorry, Mr. J." She whimpered at him. He rolled his eyes at her.

"For what?" He smacked his lips together and waited for an answer.

"I don't know exactly. For going out and killing guys in secret I guess." She said with a little shrug.

"That's where this all gets, uh, _confusing_ , Harley. Why would you think you had to do it secretly? Have I ever made you feel like you couldn't kill whoever you wanted?" He untangled her legs from his waist and put her down on her own feet.

"I guess not. I don't know why I did it." If the Joker could change anything about Harley it would be her ability to stay in denial about things that should be obvious. A little secretive remnant of Harleen.

"Something's going on with you Harley. And I have no idea what it is. **Sort. It. Out.** " He over enunciated the last few words with a tone that made it clear he was done with her moods and odd behavior. It was enough to drive a guy crazy.


	3. Twelve Weeks, Action

_"And it's physical_  
 _It's like standing at the edge_  
 _Your blood starts to pump_  
 _'Cause you're worried you might jump_  
 _And your head throbbing like a heart_  
 _And your heart throbbing like a drum_  
 _And the drum's throbbing like the point is_  
 _Just go ahead and jump"_

 _Obsession, Ok Go_

Harley was starving. It hadn't been that long since she'd eaten but she felt so hungry that she was starting to get nauseous. She had to eat NOW. She ran to the kitchen, ignoring the random henches milling around the public rooms. They hadn't been to the store recently but she knew there had to be something edible around. She searched the fridge, empty. Opening the cabinets, everything had to be cooked first, damn it! Then she remembered her secret stash of Oreos. She moved a bag of rice aside and there it was, she was so happy to see the blue package she almost cried. She pulled it out and realized that it was way too light weight. She pulled open the package and saw nothing but the black crumbs of Oreos that used to be. Someone not only stole her cookies, they had the nerve to leave the empty package there. She saw red, someone was going to die for this.

"Who the fuck finished my Oreos and just left the package there to fool me into thinking there were more!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. Every hench in the place stopped and looked scared. She pulled out her knife and flicked open the blade.

"Someone had better answer me now or you are all dead!" She screamed again looking around at the faces frozen in fear. Deciding that maybe he could calm her down so she didn't go on a murder spree, Rocco came over to Harley to talk to her. Big mistake.

"Did you eat my fucking cookies, Rocco?" She asked and pointed her knife at his throat as though at any second she would slit it.

"Nah, Harley, you know I got the Diabeetus and can't eat that crap. You need to calm down though, they're just cookies." He said with his hands up in a gesture of surrender.

"They are not just cookies. THEY ARE MY FUCKING COOKIES!" She screeched.

"Jesus, Harley, are you on the rag or something?" Rocco instantly regretted saying it and backed away from the angry woman in front of him. It was too late, rage flared in her eyes and she stabbed her knife into his shoulder with a primal scream. She stomped away from the kitchen and slammed the door when she got into her room.

Men! Asking if she was on her period just because she got a little upset, because a woman can't possibly be upset for any other reason. She wasn't on her damn period she was just hungry. She didn't really have periods anyway thanks to the little plastic rod under the skin of her upper arm that released the appropriate hormones to keep her from getting pregnant. She hadn't had a period in so long she didn't even remember what it was like really. It had been oh, more than three years at least. Three years. Oh, fuck. She did some calculations in her head and realized she was supposed to have had the contraceptive replaced six months ago. If she'd still been Harleen Quinzel she would have gotten a phone call reminding her to come in and have it replaced but no one had reminded Harley Quinn and remembering things like that with her lifestyle was pretty much impossible. Oh, god, she'd been so tired and moody and she was maybe slightly irrational just now. She didn't have to wonder if it was possible she was pregnant, she'd been having unprotected sex almost every day for the last six months.

Without wasting another moment Harley threw on some shoes and ran back out to the kitchen. The henchmen were all gathered around Rocco to either apply first aid or to talk about what they had just seen. And people thought women liked to gossip, try living with a bunch of degenerate thugs sometime! She grabbed her knife off the table where someone had set it after pulling it out of Rocco. Ignoring anything anyone said to her she grabbed some keys off the rack near the door and ran out of the house. There was a drug store not far from the hideout and she sped there zigging and zagging around any car stupid enough to be in her way. She stormed back to the feminine needs section and grabbed a pregnancy test. She locked herself in the public restroom at the back of the store without bothering to make her purchase. She might pay on the way out or she might end up killing everyone in the store, it sort of depended on the results of the test.

After waiting the longest three minutes of her life she looked down at the test. Despite having a good idea what it would say before she took it she still felt shocked when she saw the positive sign. She looked at herself in the mirror. Staring directly into her own eyes she said, "This is really happening." Suddenly the floor of the room tilted sharply and she felt herself falling. She blacked out.

When Harley opened her eyes she wasn't in the drugstore bathroom. She was back in that odd dream version of her childhood bedroom she'd been in when she had integrated Harleen and Harlequin to become Harley Quinn. No, no, no, no! She did not want to be here, this could not be a good sign. Seeing no choice but to find out what was going on in her brain she looked around the room. It was different now. The dark side was almost completely bare. There were little scraps of paper here and there on the wall that looked like the remnants of posters torn down where once the wall had been plastered with images of Mr. J. The closet door was closed and locked with a padlock. On the light side instead of Dr. Harleen Quinzel, a little girl with long blond hair sat on the bed cradling a baby doll and singing gently to it.

"Hush little baby don't say a word…" the little girl started singing what Harley had always thought was a creepy little song. She decided to interrupt it and find out what was happening.

"Who are you?" She asked. The girl looked at her like she was stupid.

"Harleen of course." Oh.

"Why are you a little girl? Shouldn't you be a grown up?"

"Don't ask me, maybe it's something you did." She turned back to her baby doll and pushed a little plastic bottle into its mouth.

"What happened to Harlequin?" Harley had her suspicions already.

"Oh, I locked her in the closet." She said innocently.

"Ok, Bad Seed, why would you do something like that?"

"She would have stopped me from what I have to do. No one is going to stop me this time." The little girl looked up from her doll with an angry expression on her face. "You're not going to stop me either."

"What is it you have to do? Maybe I wouldn't want to stop you." Harley felt a little threatened by Harleen which was surprising, she looked like a golden angel.

"I have to have this baby. I'm owed this baby. The last one was taken away and it was his fault. That's not going to happen this time. I want my baby!" She put her baby doll down on the bed and stood up with her fists clenched at her sides. Gee, and Harley thought the harlequin was the crazy one.

"I won't stop you from doing that, there's no reason to get upset." She didn't really know if what she was saying was true. There was a certain appeal in having Mr. J's baby though it was sort of hard to see how that would work out with their lifestyle.

"Liar. You're just like the harlequin. All you think of is Mr. J this and Mr. J that. If Mr. J says no baby then you'll do what he wants. Well I'm sick of doing what Mr. J wants and no one is taking away this baby."

"I thought you loved Mr. J too? Isn't that what led to all of this?" It was impossible for her to believe there was any part of her that didn't love her Puddin'.

"Sure I do, I can't help that. But just because you love a guy doesn't mean you have to sacrifice everything else you love. And some day loving him is just going to break my heart, Batman or some mob guy is going to kill him and we'll be all alone with nothing. I've loved and lost enough because of him." Harley couldn't find any argument with what little Harleen was saying. Her desire to sacrifice anything and everything else in her life for Mr. J wasn't a rational one but it was not a choice she regretted.

Harley walked over to the closet to see if she could somehow pry the door open and let out her other half. Maybe the two of them could subdue Harleen and get things back to the way they should be. She heard sobbing coming from inside the closet. She pulled on the padlock but it was firmly locked. Before she could do anything else she felt something hard come down on the back of her head. Probably a gymnastics trophy was her last thought before she lost consciousness.

Harleen Quinzel came to on the restroom floor and heard a frantic pounding on the locked door.

"Ma'am, are you ok in there? A customer said she heard a loud crashing sound." An employee called from the other side.

"Yes, I'm fine. I just lost my balance and fell. I'll be out in a moment, please don't worry." Harleen replied. She gathered the test and box and left the room. On her way out she picked up a bag of trail mix, some prenatal vitamins, and a bottle of water and then paid for it all before she left. She was still incredibly hungry and it was important to stay hydrated when you were expecting.

When she got back to the hideout she was happy to see that the Joker was not back. If he caught a glimpse of her he would know she had changed. And he would change her back. He was the only one that had the power to. She grabbed a duffle bag out of their room and cleaned out his personal stash of cash, it was just over $100,000. Chump change to a man trying to take down the criminal outfits of Chicago but enough to give her a chance to start a new life without him. She left all of her clothes, she'd need new things soon enough to suit her changing body but she also didn't want to dress like Harley Quinn anymore. The last thing she did was leave him a note, it couldn't be helped. After she wrote what she thought was most likely to keep him from looking for her she pinned it to the wall with her knife. She needed the cash and a car to get away but she wasn't taking anything else from her old life.

She ran out of the hideout for a second time and didn't look back. She didn't stop her car until she was in a small town just outside of Chicago. She parked at a strip mall that had both a clothing store and a hair salon. Before she got out of the car she pulled out her cell phone and called Edward Nygma.

"Why the hell are you calling me, Harley? Forget how to text?" was his sarcastic way of answering the phone.

"No, Eddy but I need to ask you something important." She could pretend to be Harley for just a few more minutes.

"What?"

"I need to disappear Eddy. I need to start a whole new life and you're the only one I know who could help me get some ID papers."

"What the fuck is your problem Harley? If the Joker knew we were having this conversation we'd both be dead right now." He sounded truly frightened.

"He's probably not even going to care that I'm gone Eddy but just in case I need to hide."

"I can't help you Harley. He'll kill me for real. It doesn't matter how good I am with the computer; if I help you I'm dead."

"Please, Eddy, I don't have anyone else." She hated to beg but it was true. Eddy didn't respond for a minute or so, she hoped he was considering helping her.

"Look, I'm going to text you a number and a code word. Someone will get back to you and help you out. But Harley this is some dark web shit so just get what you need and don't mess around with these guys. And if the Joker asks me if I know anything I'm going to spill my guts before he can. I like you but I like myself more."

"Thanks, Eddy. Really, this means everything to me."

"I don't suppose I could talk you out of doing this?"

"No, I don't have a choice. It's for the best though, trust me. Thanks again, I owe you one." She hung up. Eddy's text came immediately. It occurred to her that she should decide where she was headed before she got in contact with Eddy's source. She thought the Joker would expect her to head east, back to Metropolis or Gotham so she decided to go west. She'd go to California.

She texted the number and after sitting in her car for five minutes she received a call back. It was clear that whoever Eddy had connected her with did this all the time. They sounded bored with the whole thing.

"Ok, for twenty thousand I can set you up with an ID, Social Security card and birth certificate. It'll be ready 24 hours from now and you won't have any problems with credit checks or anything like that." Harleen had a feeling she could have probably gotten the same for less if she was doing this as the Joker's girl but that wasn't an option. It was a small price to pay for her freedom.

"Are you on the move? Where do you want to pick up? Any major city will do." The man on the other line said. He had an accent, she wasn't sure from where. Twenty four hours, she thought she could make Denver by then and said so. He told her to text an appropriate picture of herself to the same number and he would text a location to make the exchange tomorrow. She had to hold on to her phone for twenty four more hours but she did disable any locating functions on it in case the Joker tried to use it to track her down. Surely he wouldn't try to find her. Still she had to be careful.

She went into the hair salon first, it was a cheap place and she knew they wouldn't do a great job but it didn't matter. After a couple of hours her black and red pigtails were gone and she had a fairly cute blunt cut bob dyed a nice inconspicuous chestnut brown. At the clothing store she stocked up on jeans, sweaters and other tops with long sleeves that would keep her Joker's Girl scar from showing. The only requirement was that they not be black or red. With the salesperson's permission she changed in the fitting room and dropped her old, custom made clothes into the trash can right outside the store. She caught her reflection in the store window, she looked like a stranger. With a final stop for food and water she headed west to start her new life without the Joker.


	4. Twelve Weeks, Reaction

_"Yeah, I get a little crazy with the razor blades_  
 _Go on and call your mama if you need a band-aid_  
 _But everything worth it hurts a little bit_  
 _You don't want to run away and I won't let you anyway"_

 _Take it Like a Man, Dragonette_

When the Joker arrived back at his hideout from an incredibly frustrating meet up with one of Kowalski's goons who claimed to be willing to turn on his boss but had turned out to know nothing the Joker didn't already know, he found the place in complete chaos. What he managed to glean from the bits and pieces of information being offered to him was that Harley had lost her shit and stabbed Rocco. Harley stabbing one of the henchmen didn't really concern him. Random bouts of violence were a way of life around here. What did worry him was when Spider told him that Harley had stormed out with a duffle bag and not come back. He went back to their room to see if he could figure out what was going on. Her things were all still there so he couldn't imagine what was in the bag. Then he found the note with her knife. Harley never went anywhere without the knife he had given her. Now he was concerned. The note didn't help.

Joker,

You're not going to understand why I'm doing this and I can't really explain it but I have to leave. I'm not sure if you'll care or not but I'm inclined to think you will. Please believe me when I say there is no other option, I have to go. If you love me, even just a little you won't come looking for me. If you think you need to find me just to get some sort of revenge or something, well I think you already know there is nothing you can do to me that will hurt me worse than living without you. Knowing that I still chose to leave should tell you how necessary this is. Please just let me go.

Love,

H.

It was almost impossible to believe that his Harley would have written a note like this. First of all she wasn't given to being mysterious and he honestly couldn't come up with a scenario that would result in her leaving him. If Spider hadn't told him that she left on her own he'd worry she'd been kidnapped. He briefly considered respecting her wishes. He was a busy man and Kowalski was preparing to make the Joker's take down of Kowalski's operations very difficult. Maybe it was better for her to leave. It would be less dangerous for her and he would be more focused. He'd lived longer without her than with her, he didn't need her.

So why did everything seem so boring and empty before she was in his life? Because he loved her, damn it. He couldn't believe there was some doubt about that lingering in her mind. He'd had a cluster of red diamonds tattooed over his heart to celebrate their first year together, could he be any more obvious? Women! You have to spell everything out for them. He looked around again and saw that Harley hadn't left the wedding band she wore behind. It looked like she'd left every piece of clothing she owned along with her beloved baseball bat but the ring seemed to have gone with her. Maybe she hadn't left him as completely as she thought she had. Fuck Kowalski, he was going after his girl. Where to start? All he could think to do was to contact his source of difficult to acquire information. He pulled his phone out and dialed Nygma's number.

"Hey, Joker! What can I do for you?" Eddy answered. That was by far the most polite he had ever been to the Joker in the entire time they had known each other. How interesting.

"Hello there _Eddy_. I seem to have caught you in a good mood! Or have I just caught you?" The Joker changed his tone from friendly to accusatory for the last question.

"I was going to tell you, I was honestly just trying to think of how." Eddy replied with a gulp.

"Where is she?"

"She told me that this was for the best, any chance she's right?"

"Where is she?" He demanded in an almost inhuman growl.

"I don't actually know. She just called here a couple of hours ago, said she had to leave and asked for help getting a new identity."

"And did you help her Eddy?"

"Yes, I didn't want to but I was afraid if I didn't she'd get herself mixed up in something stupid. She's kind of impulsive in case you haven't noticed."

"So how did you help her? What did _you_ do to help her keep from doing something _stupid_?" The Joker asked with a sarcastic tone.

"I hooked her up with a number for some Ukrainians who specialize in this. It's a professional outfit, they'll set her up with something fast and it won't get her in any trouble. Some people might try to take advantage of a good looking girl like her but these guys are all business."

"Alright, so find out from them where she is."

"Oh they won't help us. And if you're considering taking on the entire Ukrainian mob to find out where she went, allow me to suggest an alternate plan that results in us living long enough for you to find her."

"Mob guys don't scare me, Eddy." He'd love to take out a few dozen mob guys right about now.

"Yeah, yeah. Still, how long is it going to take you to take them down and force them to give you information that they probably won't even have versus how long it will take me using my computer?"

"I'm listening."

"Give me the license plate number of the car she's in and if she hasn't switched out the plates we can find her in less than an hour thanks to toll plaza photos."

"She's smart Eddy, she'll switch the plates."

"Ok, I'll put her picture into some face recognition software and we can use the same photos to find her though it might take a little longer."

"I'll send you a picture."

"No need, I have some. And before you get all weird about it we're texting buddies. She sends me funny faces, dumb riddles. Nothing you have to slice me up for. Any idea where I should start looking for her?" He didn't bother to tell Eddy he knew about their friendship. Up until two months ago Harley's mind had been an open book to him.

"Start east, I think she'll head to Metropolis, she's spent most of her life there and might think she knows it well enough to stay hidden. I don't think she'll go to Gotham but you can try it if Metropolis is a bust."

"Alright, I'll check the toll roads that head east out of Chicago towards Metropolis and Gotham."

"You have an hour to find something or I'll switch from tracking her down to tracking you down." The Joker hung up on Eddy.

With Eddy working on tracking her movements outside of the hideout, the Joker decided to have a more detailed talk with the boys about what she had done in the warehouse. Most of them were useless so he confined his questioning to Spider who could be relied on more than the others and to Rocco who had experienced the greater part of Harley's tantrum today. When he called them over to talk to him they both looked scared. Apparently the only one not afraid of what he'd do if Harley left him was Harley herself.

"Tell me again what happened. Every detail. Don't leave anything _out_." He struggled to seem calm, he didn't really need his goons gossiping about how upset he was. Spider and Rocco looked at each other as though trying to decide amongst themselves who should have to talk to the boss. As usual Spider ended up being the one to do it.

"I didn't see everything, Boss, but some of the boys said she came out of your room and started frantically looking for something in the cabinets." Spider paused, he had seen more of Harley's departure than her initial actions.

"She was looking for cookies, Boss. And when she found there weren't none she started screaming and screeching and threatening to kill everyone." Rocco chimed in now that Spider had gotten the ball rolling.

"Cookies. She threated to kill everyone over cookies?" The girl did have a sweet tooth and she certainly loved murder but that seemed extreme even for Harley.

"Yeah, cookies. Oreos. So when no one volunteered to tell her who ate her cookies I decided to try and calm her down. Me and Harley get on ok so I thought it was no big deal. Then I said something stupid and she stabbed me in the shoulder." Rocco looked sheepish.

"What did you say?" This should be interesting.

"I asked her if it was her womanly time only maybe not so nice as that. I regretted it the minute I said it but she was actin' so crazy."

"Jesus, Rocco. That really was stupid." Even he wasn't crazy enough to ask a woman about her period.

"Well like I said, I regretted it as soon as I said it, and even more after she made a shishkabob outta me."

"What happened after that?" The Joker asked with a frustrated sigh. None of this gave him any better idea about why Harley left, it wasn't over cookies.

"She just left the knife right in me and went back to your room. Billy helped me get the knife out and before I was even bandaged up she was back again and grabbing the knife. I thought for a second she had come to take another poke at me but she just took it and left. I went to lay down after that so I don't know nothin' else." Rocco looked relived to have nothing else to say.

"She came storming back in about half an hour later. She didn't have anything with her, she just walked back to your room. She was in there maybe fifteen minutes at the most and then she left. She didn't come back." Spider finished the tale of Harley's leaving.

It had taken her fifteen minutes to pack up what she wanted from her life with him and leave him that ridiculous note. She had obviously made up her mind to leave before she got back here and had hurried to be gone before he got back. If he knew where she had been during that half hour he might be able to figure out why she left but there didn't seem to be any way to find that out other than having his goons go door to door with a picture of her all over this part of town. It was tempting but he didn't have much faith in either his henchmen or anyone who might have seen her actually providing him with useful information. He'd just have to rely on Eddy for now. With that thought it occurred to him for the first time that he might not actually be able to find her at all. He felt a strange and uncomfortable ache in the pit of his stomach.

He went back to their room and picked up Slugger. The bat was dented in a few places, it had seen a lot of action over the last year. He felt like he needed to beat the shit out of someone and he figured Slugger was probably feeling a little upset about his mistress's departure too, they might as well go out and find some trouble together. By the end of the night the score was Joker and Slugger: 5, random assholes in the wrong place at the wrong time: 0. He felt a little better when he got home and peeled off his blood soaked clothes. He did not go so far in his sentimentality that he slept with Slugger but he might have buried his face in Harley's pillow and been comforted by her scent.


	5. Twenty Weeks, Running

_"So many hours that I see before me_  
 _Now the stars are out of view_  
 _Because I sink to the depths without you"_

 _The Depths, Interpol_

Harleen was stocking a freezer case with incredibly expensive pints of ice cream. She had started working at a high end organic grocery store not long after she had arrived in San Francisco. She might have left the Joker with a hundred thousand dollars in cash but she'd pretty much blow her whole nest egg just having the baby if she didn't have health insurance. Plus she needed something to do with her time, something other than cry that is. She didn't want to look back on her pregnancy as a sad experience but she was struggling to overcome her heartache and her loneliness. Things were better since she started working, before that she barely even felt connected to the world around her. The only thing that kept her from floating away entirely was her growing belly with Mr. J's baby inside.

Her new life had begun with running away from her old one and she sometimes felt like she was still running from something even though she had an apartment and a job. On her drive to California she had stopped in Denver to get a new identity. Now her name was Elizabeth Wheeler. It wouldn't have been her first choice for a name but she hadn't had any say in it. Elizabeth Wheeler had an apartment over a Chinese restaurant. It was a sort of old run down place but it had two bedrooms, her landlord was nice and she could get her favorite Chinese food whenever she wanted it. She liked her neighborhood too, she was able to walk to a lot of places and public transportation took care of the rest. She had ditched the car she had taken from the Joker back in Colorado and had traveled the rest of the way by train. Not having a car was one more way to stay under the radar. Not that she really needed to worry, she'd been gone for two months and there had been no sign of Mr. J. He must not even be looking for her. She felt an ache in her chest at that thought. She didn't want him to find her, not really, but it was disappointing to think he hadn't even tried.

"Excuse me, could you hand me a pint of the So Delicious chocolate." Harleen looked up to find a pretty redhead smiling at her.

"Oh sure." She reached into the case for the ice cream. "You know if you like chocolate you should try this one." She pulled her personal favorite out of the case, it had pieces of cake and chocolate pudding swirled into it.

"Thanks but I'm a vegan. The animal farming industry is what's going to destroy this planet." The woman's tone turned passionate and her face looked a little angry. Harleen stared at her in surprise. Cows were going to destroy the Earth?

"Sorry, I'm the lesbian, vegan, tree hugger your mother always warned you about." The redhead said with a laugh. Harleen laughed with her. She didn't know why but for some reason she took an immediate liking to the woman in front of her.

"We get lots of people who fit that description here, you'd think I'd be used to it but I'm still fairly new to San Francisco and where I grew up there weren't a lot of vegans around."

"You're new in town? Maybe I could show you around some of the Bay area's greener spaces. I'm a botanist, plants are sort of my thing. My name's Pam by the way. Pam Isley." Pam put her hand out for Harleen to shake. She shook Pam's hand and gave her a big smile.

"Elizabeth, uh, Elizabeth Wheeler. I'd love to see some plants. I've always been a city girl, I don't have a lot of experience with trees and stuff but I wouldn't mind seeing some. So far I've focused on finding ice cream shops. Right now ice cream is sort of my thing, it's all the baby wants to eat." She put her hand lightly over her lower abdomen. Pam looked a little surprised, it was true it was hard to tell Harleen was pregnant, she had good muscle tone and hadn't started showing much but the green apron she had to wear at work didn't exactly show off her figure either.

"Oh, uh, your…partner could come to." Pam said hesitantly. Harleen wondered briefly if maybe Pam had been asking her out on a date but she pushed that idea aside, she was pregnant and wearing a wedding ring, surely Pam just wanted to be friends.

"Partner? Oh, you mean the baby's father. There's no father, I'm all on my own and sort of desperate for a friendly face." Harleen knew that sounded pathetic but she really was desperately lonely.

"Ok, do you want to exchange numbers and you can call me sometime or we could do something after you get off today?" Pam seemed just as eager to spend time with someone as Harleen felt.

"I actually get off in like an hour but I have an appointment I have to keep. Actually this is going to sound a little insane but I have my first visit with the obstetrician and I'm sort of terrified about going on my own. Would you possibly consider going with me? I'd buy you dinner afterword. Worst case scenario you get a free dinner after being totally bored for an hour and you have a funny story about the weird grocery store girl who took you to her OB/GYN appointment." Harleen laughed but inside she was nervous. She really was terrified to go to the doctor on her own after what had happened to her all those years ago. That's why she had put it off for so long.

"You're right, that is a little crazy." Pam looked unsure but tempted, Harleen thought.

"Sorry it's just that I had a miscarriage a few years ago and I'm really nervous about this baby. I don't really know anyone in town and you seem nice. I understand if you'd rather not."

"You know what, I will go. It's actually not the craziest thing anyone has asked me to do and you seem like you could really use the support. Should I meet you in front of the store in an hour?" Pam reached out and gave Harleen's shoulder a gentle squeeze and Harleen smiled up at her.

"Great! I'll see you then!" Harleen gave Pam a little wave as she walked away. Maybe she'd actually end up making a friend. The world looked brighter than it had in weeks.

The rest of her shift flew by and when Harleen left work she was pleased to find that Pam had kept her word and was waiting outside for her. After greeting each other they took the bus over to the medical offices where Harleen's appointment was. She was glad at least this time she didn't have to walk through a parking garage, she'd never really been comfortable with them since her attack.

"Wow, you're trembling. It's going to be ok. I've never been pregnant but I'm pretty sure they aren't going to do anything worse than maybe take some blood." Pam said trying to comfort a visibly frightened Harleen.

"I know, sorry. Last time I was pregnant I was attacked coming back from the doctor and lost the baby. It was a long time ago but I guess some things never really heal all the way." Harleen stood in front of the doctor's office looking at the door nervously.

"That's terrible, I'm so sorry Elizabeth." Pam gave her a hug. God, she hadn't been touched in so long, after spending day after day glued to Mr. J she'd had no idea how much she would miss human contact when she left him. She hugged Pam back and then pulled away to wipe a couple of tears that had snuck out of her eyes.

"Come on, I'll be with you and I promise nothing bad will happen." Pam pulled the door open and Harleen walked into the waiting room.

As Pam had predicted the appointment was uneventful for the most part. Pam waited for her in the reception area and Harleen followed a seemingly friendly nurse back to the exam room. After weighing her, making her pee in a cup and doing a pelvic exam the doctor brought out an ultrasound machine to look at the baby and estimate her due date. She watched the screen as the doctor moved the transducer around on her abdomen. She was so overwhelmed she wasn't always sure what she was seeing.

"Everything looks good here, Mom. I'm putting the due date at mid April. Since you don't have a date for your last period I'm going to go with the ultrasound measurement and say April 18th. Do you want to know the sex?"

"You can tell that already?" Harleen asked in wonder. "Yes, please!"

"Congratulations, you are having a little girl." The doctor then flipped up a switch and suddenly the room was filled with the sound of a fast swooshing sound. "And here's her heartbeat, it's strong and healthy."

Harleen laid her head back on the table and shut her eyes so she could better listen to the beat of her daughter's heart. She had needed this reminder of why she had to leave Mr. J, she'd been so heartbroken over him for the last two months. But she was doing it all for her daughter, their daughter. Even if the Joker never knew he had a child, Harleen would treasure that last connection to him. She wiped away the tears that had started streaming down her face and smiled at the doctor.

"Thank you. Thank you so much."

"You don't need to thank me but you do need to come back and see me in a month. No more skipping prenatal visits." The doctor said with mock sternness.

"I promise, Doctor, I won't miss any more visits."

Harleen left the doctor's office clutching a black and white print out of her ultrasound and beaming from ear to ear.

"I take it everything went ok?" Pam asked with a smile.

"Better than ok! It's a girl! And she's healthy and she's going to be here in April!" Harleen jumped up and down a little with excitement. Pam laughed at her enthusiasm.

They left the doctor's office and went to dinner. To a vegan restaurant of course. They talked and laughed all through dinner, something about Pam just felt familiar. They were like old friends that just met. Wait, that was from a Muppet's song. Still that's what it felt like. Harleen was having the most fun she'd had in months. She found out all about Pam's life, she was a doctoral candidate in botany at UC Berkeley. She was an active environmentalist and took plants more seriously than anyone Harleen had ever met before. She liked them way more than she liked people. Harleen told Pam what she could about herself but kept things vague. After a while she started to feel a little guilty. Mostly every time Pam called her Elizabeth. It didn't feel right to start their friendship out with a big bunch of lies. Finally she decided she had to come clean.

"Listen, Pam. I have to be honest with you about something and you might not like me so well after I tell you about it." Harleen said reluctantly.

"You'd think after you go to the gynecologist with someone there'd be no secrets." Pam joked.

"Yeah, the thing is I've got a pretty big one." Harleen bit her lower lip. "My name isn't really Elizabeth, I had to change it. I'm kind of hiding out here."

Pam looked concerned. "Hiding from what exactly?"

"The baby's father. He can't know where I am, it would be… well it wouldn't be good. So I changed my name and got as far away from him as I could. Can we still be friends?"

"Of course we can, uh…" Pam looked at her expectantly.

"Harleen, Harleen Quinzel." Harleen was relieved she hadn't lost her new friend as quickly as she had gained her.

"Ok, Harleen. Have you gone to the police about this guy?"

"No, I couldn't do that. Besides it's not like that really. It's just that I can't be around him." She looked down at her hands, she didn't know how to explain things to Pam without telling her too much.

"Was he violent, did he hurt you?" Pam reached out and took Harleen's hand in a gesture of support.

"Yes, I mean we both were pretty violent, we hurt each other. But it's not like you think. Our relationship is kind of hard to explain…." She had to be honest, she couldn't deny that they'd had a violent relationship. Just not in the way Pam was imagining. Pam also was probably not imagining her new friend beating people's heads in with a baseball bat.

"Don't make excuses for that asshole. Have you seen a counselor or anything?"

Harleen laughed at that idea. Yeah, she'd seen a counselor alright. Every morning in the mirror. "He's really not the way you're thinking. You might even like him, he thinks people are pretty awful too, though he's not too into plants. Anyway it doesn't matter, I shouldn't talk about it anymore, it makes it harder for me when I talk about him."

"Ok, we won't talk about him but if you ever need to I'm here for you." Pam said seriously, Harleen gave her a small smile.

"Want to go get some ice cream now? It's not for me really, the baby needs lots of calcium, doctor's orders." Harleen not only wanted ice cream but was desperate to stop talking about Mr. J.

"Ok, I'll even compromise and eat someplace that offers non vegan options too, even if they do support an industry that destroys thousands of square miles of forest each year for farmland." Pam said casually as though that little fact was a perfectly normal response to let's get ice cream.

"Gee, Red, you have a real funny way of looking at things sometimes. I like that!" It was exciting to be around someone passionate about their beliefs, like Mr. J was. Not that she was using Pam as a substitute for him. Not exactly.

Later that night when Harleen was sitting alone in her apartment she thought over her day. It was the first really good day she'd had since she had left Mr. J. With every day that had gone by she doubted her ability to be on her own more and more but now she felt strong and confident. She could do this. She experienced an odd fluttering in her abdomen. Like her organs were shifting around on their own. She realized she was feeling the baby move for the first time. With a look of awe on her face she gently laid her hand on her stomach and waited for another small movement. When she felt a tiny quiver her face lit up with a big smile. Just as suddenly as her elation came it was replaced with a feeling of despair. There should be another hand on her stomach now, Mr.J's hand. His absence in this profound moment with their child took her ever present heartache to a new level of misery. Despite the wonderful day she'd had, she cried herself to sleep that night.


	6. Twenty Weeks, Hunting

_"If I'm not Abel and we're both Cain_  
 _There's no pacifist here in our little gang"_

 _Those Who Lead, Carloman_

It had been two months since she left. Two months with not even a hint about where she was. Eddy had concluded that she couldn't be in Metropolis. They had expanded their search to other cities, the Joker really didn't think Harley would go to a suburban or rural area, she was a city girl. Still if she was someplace like that there wasn't much they could do to find her anyway since the less populated the area the fewer surveillance cameras there were for Eddy to hack into and search for her face. She could be holed up somewhere in Wyoming and they'd never find her. She certainly had enough to live on for a while, the Joker had eventually figured out that the duffle bag she left with was full of his stash of ready cash. He didn't care about the money for its own sake but he hated that it gave her a greater ability to stay hidden from him. He wasn't going to give up on finding her, not only for his own personal reasons but because recent developments had made him believe that he needed to find her for her own sake as well. She was in danger and didn't even realize it.

He had received a phone call. It was from an unknown number but the Joker was answering any call from any number on the first ring in case it was Harley. It never was of course but he still hoped. The phone call in question was from Kowalski of all people. Things had been fairly quiet from Kowalski since Harley had left. Too quiet for the Joker's comfort but he was distracted and willing to hope that it didn't mean anything. He knew of course it wouldn't last and then he found himself on the phone with the scumbag himself.

"Mr. Joker, I just wanted to call and offer you my sympathies. I've heard that you lost something very precious to you. I don't really understand your attachment but you know what they say, one man's trash is another man's treasure." Kowalski didn't laugh at his attempt at humor. Kowalski had no sense of humor, the Joker was willing to bet he had an underling come up with the dialog for this call.

"I have no idea what you are talking about, Kowalski. I haven't lost anything. Everything I care for is exactly where it's supposed to be." He was taken off guard by Kowalski's knowing about Harley but he wasn't going to let that show.

"There's no reason to pretend. That little whore you drag around with you has run away and we both know it." There was really only one way Kowalski could know this much about what had happened with Harley. It should make the Joker mad to find out he had a mole in his gang but actually the idea of hunting out the culprit and dealing with him sounded like a real good time.

"Sorry to ruin your fun, Aleksander, but I'm afraid this plan to taunt me over the phone has, uh, blown up in your face." The Joker let out a high pitched laugh. He took pleasure in reminding this asshole about the massive explosion he had been responsible for three months ago. It had been the greatest blow he had struck against Kowalski so far and someone the man cared for had been killed in the fiery attack. He could hear the gangster's teeth grind together on the other end.

"Yes, well I have other plans to console myself with. My current plan is to find your little lost bitch before you do and then I think I'll put her to work for me. I'm thinking she could have a fantastic career in the movies. And what a treat for you, to be able to get on the internet and see her any time you like. Someone like her, fucking a freak like you, she must be pretty open minded. I'll put her in the films the other girls don't like doing. I'm sure nothing is too degrading for her." A line like that really needed to be delivered with an evil mocking laugh but as usual Kowalski disappointed.

"Good luck with that. Sounds like a _dynamite_ plan. Make sure you send me a link when you get those videos online. I'm sure the boys and I will have a real _blast_ watching them. Now if you don't mind, I'm working on a project that might, hmm, go up in flames if I don't get back to it." The Joker hung up. Asshole.

There was nothing more he could do to find Harley at the moment but he did have a traitor in his midst and a deep desire to do some serious damage to someone. Who better than the man who was reporting on his activities to Kowalski? But who was it? He was almost one hundred percent sure it couldn't be Spider or Billy. They had been with him since Gotham City and it was unlikely that Kowalski would bother to turn a loyal henchman when he could just send one of his own guys in for a job with the Joker. He called Spider and Billy back to his room and explained the situation to them. They both looked angry at the idea of Kowalski getting his hands on Harley.

"Boss, I gotta think it's someone pretty new. Harley's been gone for a good while and he's just now calling about it. Probably someone we've brought in since she left." Spider suggested. It was a logical conclusion to make.

"There's been five new guys who have come in since Harley left. It could be any of them. Should we just shoot all five?" Billy asked, clearly not minding the idea.

"No, never waste an opportunity use someone else's suffering to get what you want. I'm going to have a little conversation with our spy." The Joker responded. "Get pictures on a phone of all five, I think Eddy might be able to pinpoint our mole for us."

"No problem, Boss." Spider answered and the two henchmen did as he asked.

Eddy was, as much as the Joker was loath to say anything nice about him, the best around at taking a small piece of information about a person and finding out everything there was to know about them. Perhaps he was feeling extra motivated because he had failed so miserably at finding Harley but Eddy quickly found the information the Joker wanted about his new hires. The traitor was a guy named Mack Stevens. He was a small time crook, habitual gambler in deep and had previously worked as a bouncer at one of Kowalski's clubs. Knowing that even the dumbest thug would be wary of the Joker's attention he had Spider and Billy knock the guy out and tie him up in an isolated area of the warehouse. He was really looking forward to spending time with this guy. The two months that Harley had been gone had been a particularly bloody time period for this area of Chicago. The Joker had to relieve his tension somehow.

Mack was waiting for him quietly, he didn't seem too surprised to find himself in the situation he was in. He must have realized there was a pretty good chance he'd be found out eventually. The Joker brought his usual assortment of knives that he always carried on him. Since Harley had been gone he'd found himself using her bat fairly regularly. It was almost as though he hoped if Harley wouldn't come back for him she'd at least come back for her weapon of choice. It was a nicer thought than the idea that she just wasn't coming back at all. He had special plans for Mack though and bashing his head in with Slugger wouldn't do at all.

"Hello there, Mack. I have to say I am really looking forward to our little talk. I'm just dying to _dig_ into that brain of yours and find out what sort of interesting things you know." The Joker announced as he walked into the room.

"Look, I know you found out about me and I know you're going to kill me and if you don't Kowalski probably will. I'm a dead man so just do whatever it is you're planning to do." Mack seemed to have a fairly pessimistic view of the world. Unfortunately it still sounded like a glass half full kind of outlook compared to what the Joker had planned for him.

"Oh, I'm not gonna kill you Mack. Not right away. How far in the future your death is kind of depends on you." The Joker bent down and got close to Mack's face. He pulled out a knife and pushed it against the corner of Mack's mouth. "You wanna know how I got these scars?"

"No." Mack whispered. The Joker ignored him.

"You see, Mack, normally I tell a different version of this story every time. I, uh, sometimes have a little trouble remembering things clearly." The Joker was smacking his lips and rolling his eyes up while he talked to Mack as though he was looking into his mind to find the answers as he spoke. "But lately the real story, or uh as close to the real story as I can remember has been on my mind."

He twisted the knife in Mack's mouth and a little nick caused blood to start trickling out of the corner. "You should feel pretty special, there's only one other person alive who knows this story. You see, Mack, I was a lot like you once. I was a small time criminal and I had a big need for more money. I wasn't a degenerate gambler like you, Mack. I had a little family to support, a baby on the way. So I knew I needed to do something big if I wanted the bosses to notice me and move me up in the organization. Sorta like you must have been trying to do by taking on a job like this, huh, Mack?"

Mack didn't answer but the Joker went on anyway. "The problem though, Mack, was that the guys I fucked over to get my boss's notice, well they found out what I did and they weren't too happy about it. Now these men were cowards, Mack. They didn't come for me, they came for my wife. Cut her up, just like this."

The Joker pulled the knife away from Mack's mouth long enough to gesture to his own scarred mouth. He replaced the knife and licked his lips before going on. "So they cut her and upset her so bad she lost the baby. She was so sad, Mack and it was all my fault. I just wanted to show her that she wasn't suffering alone, that I was feeling the same pain so I took a kitchen knife and did this."

The Joker pulled the knife all the way up through the corner of Mack's mouth and halfway up his cheek. Mack pulled away and screamed as blood started gushing out of his face. The Joker grabbed his head with a firmer grip and repeated the cut on the other side of his mouth.

"One difference between us, Mack is that I didn't scream. I knew I deserved the pain and I took it _gladly_. And then I sewed my face back up myself with just a needle and thread. I won't make you sew up your own face, Mack. I'm gonna do it for you. Hold still or this will be a lot worse." The Joker pulled a small sewing kit out and started sewing up Mack's face while he screamed, pulling the stitches loose. He started to quiet down when he realized that it was going to hurt more if he kept his mouth stretched out.

"That's better. Now we have so much in common, I thought I might make you more like me. You're starting to look more handsome already. So the next part is up to you, Mack. You can tell me what I want to know and I'll kill you quick. Or if you hold out on me I'll keep working on making you like me. It won't be quick. It took me years to become the man I am today. But I've got the time, especially now that Harley isn't here to distract me. With enough suffering and misery I can make you into someone new. You'll be just like me in every way." Mack's eyes grew wide with fear.

"What do you want to know?" He said softly not wanting to open his mouth any more than necessary.

"Oh good, co-op-er-a-tion! Well you can start by telling me where Aleksander Kowalski likes to spend his time. I know where all his, ahem, businesses are but there's too many of them and no one seems to like to talk in his organization."

"Yeah, he's pretty scary but right now I figure I've got bigger problems." The Joker held his needle and thread still for a moment as he took a break to laugh.

"You certainly do."

"He doesn't go to the smaller clubs unless there's a problem. His main office is at The Crazy Lady. He's there most nights until two or three in the morning. Security is pretty standard in the club but upstairs where his office is has a lot of guards."

"You're doing great, Mack. Just one more question. What did you tell him about our operations?" The Joker started sewing up the other side of the Mack's mouth and Mack moaned in pain.

"Everything I know. He knows where we are, where your explosives are stored, how many guys you've got working for you, the whole layout of this place. And I told him about your girl leaving." Mack whispered the last part knowing that if anything was going to get him hurt that was it.

"Of course you did. That's how I knew about you Mack. If you hadn't told him about Harley and he hadn't called to rub my face in it, you wouldn't be sitting here right now. Is that everything?" Mack nodded slightly and closed his eyes, hoping for a fast death. The Joker didn't disappoint him. As much as he wanted to have more fun with Mack he realized that he needed to move quickly. Kowalski was probably smart enough to know that he had revealed the existence of his spy and he'd try to strike before the Joker left his no longer secret hideout. He pulled out a long narrow knife and stabbed it into Mack's ribs. He pulled it out and left Mack to bleed out while he got his henchmen started on everything they needed to do. They needed to move fast.

He walked out into the main living area and found most of his employees already there waiting. There was a sense of tension in the air, they knew he'd been in the other room working on Mack and probably most of them were wondering if they were next. Lucky for them he needed their help for now.

"Spider I need a shrapnel bomb, ball bearings if you don't mind and make sure it has a remote detonator. Billy take as many guys as you need and start moving anything important to the Englewood site. Leave the gas drums, it's not worth the effort to move them. Get in and out of the storage facility fast, Kowalski knows where it is. Rocco, I have a special job for you. Oh and any personal items you guys want get packed up after the guns and explosives so be quick about it." Everyone hurried to their assigned jobs except Rocco who came over to the Joker and looked nervous.

"Don't worry Rocco, you'll live through this. _Probably_." The Joker led Rocco back to the room where Mack's now dead body sat. Rocco looked a little calmer. He probably thought he'd just have to get rid of the body. As though the Joker would bother to call that a special job, disposing of bodies was Joker Henchman 101 subject matter.

"Ok, Rocco, I just need you to undress Mack here and I'll be right back with something else for him to wear."

"You want me to take his clothes off? Ain't that sort of disrespectful?" Rocco asked.

"Would you rather take his place?" The Joker was already walking away knowing what Rocco's answer would be.

"No problem, Boss, I'll undress him."

The Joker went back to his room and pulled a large purple duffle bag onto the bed. He quickly threw his clothing into it with the exception of a blood stained suit that was crumpled up on the floor from earlier this week. He paused for a moment to consider what else he should take. He had a few guns around the room and he threw Slugger in as well as Harley's knife. He started to zip the bag up but then cursed under his breath and started throwing Harley's clothes into the bag with his. After he had packed everything he wanted he grabbed the stained suit and his face paint and returned to the room where Rocco was stripping the corpse.

"Here, put this on him." He threw the clothes at Rocco.

He went to check on Spider. Spider took pride in creating effective and well-made explosives but the Joker had some ideas on presentation he wanted to work out with him. After he was sure Spider understood what he wanted he went to check on Rocco again. Mack was wearing the full suit. It was a shame to lose such a finely made and expensive piece of tailoring but any price for a good joke.

"Sit him back up in the chair, Rocco." Rocco did as he was told and the Joker went to work applying his make-up to the dead man's face. Mack had blond hair and the Joker was obviously not going to take the time to dye his hair but he combed some of the dye itself through the corpse's hair, it was enough to give the impression of having green hair. He had Rocco help him drag the chair and dead body out to the front room of the hideout, close enough to the door that a person walking in would see it and think it was the Joker but far enough away that they wouldn't notice the little details like the fact it was actually a corpse. After a few minutes Spider brought him the final touch. A shrapnel bomb full of potentially deadly projectiles wrapped up like a gift with a big smiley face on it. He placed it on the lap of his dead former employee. Whoever came to the hideout looking for the Joker was in for a big surprise.


	7. Thirty Weeks, Nesting

_"You cut your hair and made a friend_  
 _Now they're falling into you_  
 _This is the closest that you will get to them_  
 _How do you do?_

 _You left on the lights is there somebody home?_  
 _Switched off your voicemail and left it alone_  
 _Left on the lights is there somebody home?_  
 _Light and magic"_

Light and Magic, Ladytron

Harleen had never been good at making friends. She had been a shy child who would rather talk to her stuffed animals than play with the other children in the neighborhood. Her mother had enrolled her in various activities hoping Harleen would learn some social skills. As a result her natural aptitude for gymnastics was discovered but instead of doing somersaults and giggling with other girls her age she began working with a professional coach toward the goal of someday being an Olympian. She was even more isolated from her peers as the only other girls her age she met were her competition. At the age of fourteen she was injured practicing for a national competition. Not badly enough to affect her normal life, not even badly enough to stop her from doing gymnastics. The injury was just enough to turn her from an Olympic hopeful to a talented but not quite good enough athlete. Harleen wasn't nearly as disappointed about this turn of events as her parents were.

Finding herself in high school, and for the first time able to spend time doing things other kids did, she tried to fit in and make friends but she never seemed to say the right thing. The clothes she wore were never quite fashionable enough, the music she liked not popular enough and the thoughts that occupied her mind were a hopeless combination of academic topics and silly daydreams. She continued to feel like she was on the outside looking in until the day she met Jack. They had an immediate and deep connection. In her eyes he was perfect and even now she couldn't remember the Jack she first knew any other way. He became her best friend, next her first love and finally her soul mate. He was her whole world. And then of course things had gone terribly wrong and Jack was gone forever. After he died she just followed her academic plan and tried to pretend she didn't need more in her life. As a beautiful woman she always seemed to attract romantic attention from men but she still never seemed to have the knack for making friends with anyone. Until she met Pam anyway.

With Pam it was just the opposite of her earlier experiences. She always said the right things when they talked. They didn't agree about everything but even when they disagreed it made for good conversation. Pam was a natural caretaker and while Harleen sometimes felt the urge to rebel against her good advice she had to admit she was eating healthier and getting more exercise than she had in years. If this baby came out looking like anything other than an ice cream sundae it was only because of Pam's efforts to make sure Harleen was eating nourishing food and getting out in the fresh air. She'd even helped Harleen fix up her apartment so that instead of a depressing run-down hole in the wall it actually looked like a home. Harleen hadn't forgotten about Mr. J of course but she didn't cry everyday anymore and she would say she was overall happy. Not the same kind of happy she was with the Joker but happy enough.

Pam was a big part of all of that but Harleen was also adjusting to living on her own. Now that her place was homey she was happy to spend time there and had started getting the second room ready for the baby. She resisted the urge to decorate the nursery with clowns, instead opting for elephants which were sort of clown adjacent. She thought pink elephants in a pink and white room would be cute but Pam explained to her at length why the "pinkification" of her daughter's life would destroy any chances of her having self-esteem or something. Harleen hadn't followed it all but had compromised anyway and switched to a mostly gray and white color scheme with hints of pale pink here and there. It was pretty but not nauseatingly girly according to Pam.

She'd also been spending a lot of time thinking about names. There was a little voice in her head that tried to make her feel bad about making such a big decision for their daughter without Mr. J's input. She just reminded herself that she had either saved their daughter's life by leaving or wronged Mr. J on so many levels by leaving that the name was just a drop in the bucket but for some reason it kept being the issue that brought up the most guilt for her. Harleen wanted to give the baby a name that meant something to do with happiness. She'd cried so much for the first two trimesters that she wanted to do whatever she could to bring joy into her daughter's existence. There were a lot of happy names as it turned out. Joy, Felicity, Ada, Anabelle and on and on. Abigail meant "my father is joy", that was tempting. Oh the Joker brought plenty of pain and suffering to others but to Harley he had been true joy and happiness. She was still considering her options. She had a list of top choices but ultimately she thought she needed to see the baby and then she would know who this little person was and what her name should be.

Today she met Pam in the Mission District for lunch and then they walked around looking in the various shops. Harleen dragged Pam to the Pirate Store. She loved it there. It was just the sort of absurdity that delighted her. Pam was not as enthusiastic but she tolerated it for Harleen's sake though she drew the line at sitting and watching the fish theater for more than five minutes. After buying a make your own mermaid doll kit and vowing to return soon Harleen agreed to leave 826 Valencia and continue their shopping. After a block or two Harleen looked at the store in front of them and blushed. Good Vibrations. Oh my. Before she had left the Joker her pregnancy hormones had been jumping around from no sex drive during her really fatigued stage to a super high and slightly violent level of desire. After she left Mr. J things died down for her in that department. She'd been so sad and in such a bad place emotionally. Lately though, well it seemed like her sex drive was back with a vengeance. It might be time for a toy to take the edge off things.

"Um, Red? Could we maybe go in there?" Harleen asked shyly. She wasn't really sure how Pam would feel about going into a sex toy store.

"Sure we can." Pam looked like she wanted to say something else but she seemed to stop herself and just opened the door for Harleen.

"Wow!" Harleen exclaimed after they stepped inside.

There were displays of brightly colored toys everywhere. She didn't even know where to start. Fortunately a store employee was more than happy to show her around and tell her about the different items available. Harleen was feeling overwhelmed by all of the choices when the salesperson showed her something else.

"It's a pulsator instead of a vibrator, it feels like it's thrusting into you." Harleen watched with wide eyes as the toy pulsed back and forth.

"Shut up and take my money!" She exclaimed causing the salesperson to laugh at her.

"It comes in pink or purple which would you…"

"PURPLE! Um, I mean purple please." Harleen interrupted. Just then Pam came over carrying a green vibrator shaped like a leaf on a stem.

"That's perfect for you, Red. You pretty much have to buy it."

"I don't really need it but I can't really resist it either. It's so cute." Pam replied.

After a lot of walking and shopping all afternoon Harleen had been on her feet long enough and wanted to go home and nap. Ok she also wanted to play with her new toy but she told Pam she wanted to go home and nap. She felt silly about being so excited to use a sex toy but it had just been her and her small fingers for so long that she couldn't help being turned on by the idea of finally having something big and hard thrusting into her again. She was determined to not make this about Mr. J. Harleen was now regretting her choice of purple over pink, she had obviously been thinking of him. She was doing ok without him, she needed to keep her focus and try to not think about him. The truth was she gave herself this same advice every time she got herself off. And every time things went the same way, she rubbed and stroked and did what she could to come and had no success until she gave up and started thinking about him. Maybe her new purple friend was the key to success.

She undressed and looked down at her body. Her breasts were huge; they had always been large and full, drawing stares from men, but even she had trouble looking away from them now. Her stomach was definitely approaching fully inflated beach ball size. The rest of her looked mostly the same but everything felt different. Things that used to feel good hurt now, other places were newly sensitive. I was possible she wouldn't even enjoy a good hard fucking anymore, it had been so long and her body had changed so much. Only one way to find out. She pushed some pillows around and laid down on her bed. She had filled her bed with a variety of pillows partly in an effort to get comfortable in her increasingly uncomfortable body but also so that the bed didn't feel so big and empty.

After applying a small amount of lube on the toy she turned it on and pushed it between her outer lips, letting it thrust up and down, rubbing her clit and just teasing her opening with its tip. She used her other hand to gently touch her nipples, they were much more sensitive lately and perpetually hard. She let out a low moan and pushed the end of the toy a little further into her wet slit. She was doing a good job so far of keeping her mind clear of anything she didn't want to think about. She closed her eyes and focused on the sensations the toy was creating. As her excitement grew she changed the angle so that she could slowly push it into her pussy. Harleen found that if she just held the toy loosely in one hand it started thrusting itself further and further into her. Once its full length was insider her she gasped and spread her legs wide, wishing it could go deeper. The toy was truly living up to its promise, she really felt like she was getting fucked. An image of the Joker holding her down and thrusting into her flashed in her mind. She winced with the intensity of the pleasure that shot through her body at the thought but tried to quickly put it out of her mind anyway. No Mr. J.

She moved her hand from her breasts down to her clit and started stroking it gently while the toy kept fucking her. She felt like she was getting close to coming but couldn't quite get there. She rubbed her clit harder but her orgasm was just out of reach. Pushing the button on the end of the pulsing toy she explored it's more intense settings including one that she could only describe as jackhammer mode but still couldn't quite get there. She groaned and admitted defeat, she was only going to come if she thought about him. So she gave in and did it. His face hovering over hers and the taste of greasepaint in her mouth when they kissed. The feel of the curls at the nape of his neck wrapped around her fingers as she played with them. What she wouldn't give to have something of his to smell right now, that blend of gun powder, grease paint and his skin. Or to lick his usually salty skin and feel the bumpy scars at the corners of his mouth under her tongue. The weight of his body on hers and how full she was with him inside her. For a moment as she panted and gasped and surrendered her mind to her memories of him she felt him there with her, in her and she came harder than she had in four months. She screamed and twisted her body around as she thrust her hips in time to the waves of pleasure she was experiencing.

As the pleasure subsided she opened her eyes and remembered she was alone. Her disappointment caused her throat to tighten and hot tears began to well up in her eyes. She took a deep breath and refused to allow herself to cry. She hadn't cried in nearly a week and she wasn't going to do it now after that incredible orgasm. She turned the toy off and pulled it carefully out of her body. Now that she had pushed away her moment of sadness she felt calm and satisfied. And very sleepy. Maybe she would really nap after all. Harleen curled up on her left side with various pillows tucked here and there to support her body. She drifted off quickly and started having a wonderful dream. She and Mr. J were together and they were so happy. Except there was some sort of banging noise that Harleen couldn't find. It was time for the baby to come and Mr. J was with her, helping her deliver their child. She looked down and saw that instead of a baby she'd had a beautiful litter of black and white kittens. That was ok, they loved their little kitten babies. They were a happy family. But that banging kept up. It was like someone was slamming their fist into a door or hammering a wall. That didn't make sense because she was lying in bed petting her kittens. The banging brought her up from dreaming to a more lucid state and her brain started trying to figure out how she had managed to have kittens instead of a human baby. It didn't make sense but it still made her happy. If that banging would just stop.

She opened her eyes and listened for the banging to sound again. Was someone at her door? She laid still and listened closely. All she could hear were the normal sounds of a busy city. Mostly traffic and the occasional siren passing by. No banging at all. She closed her eyes again and tried to get back to the dream she was having. Sure it was nonsense but it felt good. And you know there were worse things than kittens to give birth to. She drifted back to sleep but she couldn't get past the lucid almost awake state and she couldn't get back to her dream about Mr. J. This lucid dream state made her worry that she was going to find herself in the dream version of her childhood bedroom but she didn't. She was in a hospital. No, it wasn't a just a hospital it was the psychiatric ward of a hospital. It was the ward she had put Jack into. Oh god, this was the last place she wanted to be. And she could hear that banging again. She looked around for an exit but there wasn't one. Just an endless looking hall of patient rooms. She walked down the hall looking at the room numbers but they were all the same, all Jack's room. It wasn't difficult to guess what she was supposed to do so she walked into the nearest door. She was hoping to find a memory of Jack there, maybe one of his good days when he was quiet and recognized her. Instead she found Harley Quinn laying in his bed with her hands and ankles restrained.

"What are you doing here?" Harleen asked her. Harley turned her head away from the door on the other side of the room she'd been looking at and gave Harleen a hostile look.

"You put me here, bitch."

"I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't." Harleen insisted.

"Yeah, sure. You'd never put anyone here, would you? Oh wait, you did. I can't be mad though, if you hadn't put Jack in here I'd never have found my Mr. J." Harley looked please about that anyway.

"Ok, so why am I here?" Harleen asked.

"I have no idea, maybe you should just wake up and go back to your boring life. I'm sure those ten dollar bottles of raw coconut water need restocked so rich assholes can get their daily dose of bioactive enzymes." Harley said dismissively and turned her head to stare at the wall.

"Did you hear something banging earlier? I keep hearing it but when I wake up it's not there." Harleen thought maybe Harley would help her solve the mystery though the banging seemed to have stopped for now.

Harley looked up at her and quickly answered, "Nope, no banging here at all. Not a sound. Ok, so now that we settled that, uh, bye!"

That was incredibly suspicious behavior, Harley was trying to hide something. Harleen looked around the room to see if there was some reason Harley wanted her to go. The room was just as she remembered it and everything seemed normal except there hadn't been a second door. She walked over to it and examined the door. It looked like the closet door in the dream version of her bedroom right down to the latch and padlock she had put on it to keep the Harlequin in. She took a closer look and saw that the wood around one of the hinges was splintered. She pulled on the latch with the lock and saw it was almost completely out of the wall. The Harlequin was fighting her way out; that was the banging she heard earlier. She turned and looked at Harley.

"She's almost broken through the door. That's not possible, I'm in control here." Harleen said angrily.

"Sure you are. You were really in control a little while ago, Harleen. Thanks for that by the way, I could almost feel his nails scratching against my skin and hear him growling out my name." Harley gave her a big loony smile. Harleen frowned and thought about what Harley had said.

"Was that how she almost got out? Because I was thinking of Mr. J? I do that all the time, how could that help her get loose?" Harleen hoped maybe she'd get lucky and Harley would answer her.

"Hmm, it's mysterious. Who knows?" Harley shrugged but kept the smile on her face. She knew alright.

"You have to help me keep her in there. She can't get out now, she'll hurt the baby." Harleen pleaded with Harley.

"Well there is a solution to both of our problems. You go back to Mr. J and he'll help me get out instead of her. Mr. J and I will be together and you and the Harlequin can go back to whatever arrangement you had before. I'm sure she'll forgive you for locking her away after I kill a few dozen people. Or maybe if I just fuck Mr. J til I can't walk straight. Oh, or both, I vote for both!" Harley's smiled turned into a smirk.

"I can't do that. I have to protect the baby. Why can't you understand that? It's Mr. J's baby!" Harleen was so frustrated with her personas and their obsession with Mr. J. Ok she was kind of obsessed too she was at least still in control of herself.

"Whatever, look how huge you are, it's not like he can make you have an abortion now. Worst case scenario he might make you give it away but I really don't think he'll kill it." Harley shrugged like it didn't matter either way.

"That's not going to happen. I'm in charge here and you two need to just accept that. We are not going back to Mr. J and that's final." Harleen turned and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her. The loud bang woke her up. She looked around her room to make sure she was really awake. The Harlequin was fighting back and Harley Quinn wasn't going to do anything to help Harleen. She thought about what might happen if she lost control and felt afraid for herself and her baby. The baby started shifting around and kicked her hard in the ribs. She winced and rubbed her abdomen, she was under attack from all sides today and the only solution anyone had offered her was the one thing she wouldn't do no matter how badly she wanted to.


	8. Thirty Weeks, Roving

_"I want to say my peace and I hope that it sinks in_  
 _I want to flatten your crease, I want to make you bend_  
 _I want to show you how you lose, I want to show you how you lose"_

 _Counterfeit Rules, Snowden_

The Joker's phone buzzed and lit up. He looked down and saw that it was Billy calling. He didn't bother answering and the phone darkened almost immediately. That was the signal he'd been waiting for, Kowalski was confirmed at The Crazy Lady, his largest club and where he spent most of his time. The Joker was in a car sitting outside a massage parlor/ bathhouse called the Tub and Rub. It was more commonly known around town as the Tug and Rub, everyone knew what type of services were offered here. The Joker hadn't been inside but he felt dirty just sitting in the parking lot and he wasn't usually a real particular guy when it came to cleanliness. The Tub and Rub was the latest location for the game of cat and mouse that the Joker and Kowalski were playing. Kowalski seemed to finally be figuring out that he was the mouse but from his perspective he still didn't understand that the cat was just toying with him for his own sadistic pleasure. The battle for life or death was already decided in the Joker's favor though Kowalski clearly didn't realize it yet.

It had been decided when Kowalski threatened to find Harley. The Joker sighed, he hated thinking about Harley. They had finally found a clue in their search for her but it wasn't much of one and hadn't really gotten them any closer to finding her. The car she had taken from the hideout when she ran off was found burned out in a parking lot in Denver. It had taken months to be entered into a database that Eddy had access to but finally the vehicle identification number had popped up on one of his alerts. Eddy had even managed to find some security camera footage of her at a train station. She'd cut her hair and dyed it a darker color but it was her. The Joker had watched that stupid thirty second black and white security footage of her so many times it was burned into his brain. So now they knew she had headed west but the problem with that was that there was an awful lot of West in this country. Unfortunately they hadn't been able to figure out what train she had taken or if she'd even gotten on a train in Denver. They assumed she had or else why go to a train station but they didn't really know for certain. For now Eddy was focusing on Las Vegas and L.A. but also looking at any other major cities west of Denver.

They'd find her eventually, he knew that for certain now. What he was less clear about was what his intentions toward her were when he did find her. The first couple of months he had just wanted her back, sure that they could work out whatever issue had pushed her into running away in the first place. Then for a while he thought he'd just be happy to know that she was ok and leave her to whatever life she had made for herself. Lately though, well, he was fairly certain he'd kill her when he found her. He wasn't proud of it because unlike his usual killings, this one was motivated by petty feelings like rejection, hurt and injured pride. He couldn't help it, unless she had a really good reason for leaving, unless she could convince him she really was doing the best thing when she left then he'd probably slit her throat when he discovered her hiding place. Not that he didn't still have affectionate thoughts about her, it's just that they stopped ending with them kissing and making up and started having final scenes of things like him choking her to death during one last fuck. Actually that might be Harley's preferred way to die, maybe it would be a happy ending for one of them.

He tried to put Harley out of his head. Thinking about her made him angry and unfocused on his work. Instead he decided to reflect on the fun he'd been having with Kowalski. After the threatening phone call he'd received from the man it had only taken a few hours before Kowalski made his big move against the Joker. He blew up their storage building which, by the time he got there, had only contained drums of gasoline. The explosion looked impressive as hell but it had cost the Joker very little in trouble or money. After that Kowalski's little gang had invaded the Joker's hideout not realizing that the Joker and his men had moved on and left a little surprise behind for their attackers. It thrilled the Joker to learn that Kowalski had been so confident about his success that he had been part of the attack. Kowalski had lived through it unlike several of his thugs but he had seemingly lost his left eye, or he had recently developed a thing about pirates because he'd been wearing an eye patch for the last two months. The Joker laughed every time he thought about it. He'd even been nice enough to send an assortment of novelty eye patches to his little one eyed mouse, including one with a big yellow smiley face on it.

After that the Joker had made a game out of destroying Kowalski's businesses in new and creative ways. At first he had expected another return volley from Kowalski but nothing had happened so far. Perhaps it was because the Joker was much harder to locate now. He had become somewhat of a nomad with hideouts and supplies all over the city. Chicago could give Gotham a run for its money when it came to abandoned buildings and impoverished neighborhoods with little police presence to hide out in. Of course it could just be that Kowalski was only capable of coming up with that one plan against the Joker and now was at a loss about what to do next. He'd clearly tried increasing security at his businesses but that was pointless, a few extra dumb goons were no greater challenge to the Joker. And now Kowalski was under permanent 24 hour a day surveillance, the Joker knew where he was every minute of every day. So instead of being challenged by possible attacks from Kowalski he was instead making up his own difficulties. Refusing to take out any two businesses the same way, experimenting with new weapons of destruction, making the jobs riskier by choosing particular times of day or waiting until there were police nearby just to flirt with the authorities a little. If the police had started to notice the presence of the Joker in their city they were keeping quiet about it. Of course Chicago's police force had plenty of other things to worry about besides criminal on criminal violence and they had no masked vigilante to help them out. They should have cared about the people in the businesses at the time of Joker's attack but he supposed it was hard to justify spending a lot of time on the murder of sex workers and their clients to the tax payers. People and their "morals", what a farce.

"Are you ready, Boss?" The random henchman that was chauffeuring him around today asked. It wasn't that he didn't respect his employees enough to learn their names, it was just that…well ok he didn't respect them enough to learn their names and many of them died so quickly it hardly seemed worth it. He only bothered with the ones who stuck around for longer than a couple of months or who stood out from the pack in some way. This guy had done neither so far. He didn't bother answering but instead opened his car door and got out knowing the goon would follow him.

They walked up to the door of the Tub and Rub and paused to put gas masks on before they went inside. Today's experiment in how to kill a massive amount of people was sealing the windows and doors and then flooding the building with nitrous oxide or as it was commonly known, laughing gas. Part of his motivation was just the appeal of the name laughing gas. There was more to it than just an appropriate name, he was hoping he could find some sort of quick way to kill people that involved them somehow laughing or smiling as they died. He didn't particularly care about making people happy, he just liked the joke. The Joker leaving smiling bodies behind was an idea that made him laugh. He wasn't a chemist but he was enjoying playing at it. He'd been experimenting with various poisons like strychnine and plants like hemlock water dropwort, anything that could leave a sardonic grin on a dead man's face. He knew the laughing gas wouldn't do it but he was curious to see what it would do. Hence their little fieldtrip into the building after everyone was dead. Plus he had a message to leave.

His henchman removed the barrier to the front door that they had put in place just an hour ago. Inside the building everything was quiet except for the sound of running water coming from the next room. Just inside the door was a reception area with a dead woman at a desk, there was a trail of blood running out of her ear. Interesting. They moved on to the bath area which was really just a room with a hot tub and a wall of showers. There was a man and two women in the hot tub, it was hard to tell if they died from the gas or drowning. What the Tub and Rub lacked in a luxurious spa-like atmosphere they made up for in the quantity of cheap grimy looking little rooms with a vinyl covered "massage" table and an assortment of massage oils and other lubricants. Kowalski must be pretty confident about the lack of police interest in his businesses, there was no way someone could walk into this place and think for even a moment that it was a legitimate spa. Cops, was there anyone easier to corrupt than the boys in blue? Too much power and not enough pay, a perfect recipe for criminal activity in any field really but the police of course were of special interest to the people who had plenty of money and bad intentions.

So far death by nitrous oxide had been a bit of a letdown. It was slow and it left a fairly boring looking standard corpse behind. A couple of people had even thrown up which was not at all what the Joker was trying to go for. He pushed open a closed door and saw a man on a table inside. He had a masseuse slumped across his chest and her hand was still near his crotch. He clearly had shot his load just before he died, there was jizz all over his stomach. The Joker couldn't help but double over with laughter.

"That guy really came and went." he thought to himself. After a few more giggles he turned to go back to the reception area at the front of the building. His henchman was waiting there with a bag, it had a cans of red and black spray paint inside. The largest wall in the room was a plain white color but it had a hideous piece of erotic art hanging from it. It looked like it was supposed to be referencing a Greek myth, Leda and the swan he thought only the swan looked more like a pelican and Leda had seen better days herself. He decided that a work of art like this needed to be hanging in one of his hideouts and handed it over to his henchman after he pulled it off the wall. There was so much mediocre art in the world, something truly terrible should be treasured.

With a now blank canvas for his own art, he grabbed the spray paint and began to work. He sprayed two black swirling circles near the top and then a ragged red smile underneath. A simple symbol that would immediately let Kowalski know exactly who had been here, not that there would be any real confusion but he really did like toying with the man. Underneath the smiley face he spelled out his message. "Happy Endings Guaranteed!" He stood back and looked at his work and smiled.

He walked out the door with his henchman and his new artwork following behind. As he was driven to tonight's hideout he realized he wasn't even sure where they were going. There were so many hideouts and he was always on the move. He had no stability in his life except his game with Kowalski and even that was starting to lose its shine. He felt untethered and wished, not for the first time, that Batman would come out to play again. Or that he could find Harley and put an end to this hunt. The Joker hated unfinished stories, jokes with no punchlines. He noticed it had started to rain. He watched the droplets run down the glass of his window and thought over today's experiment. He'd killed a lot of people but ultimately it wasn't what he was looking for. He never seemed to find what he was looking for lately and it was starting to make him feel empty inside.


	9. Thirty Eight Weeks, Birth

_"I should have noticed the beauty_  
 _And not how it hurt_  
 _Wet like a cherry_  
 _In a bloodbath of birth"_

 _Birth, The Faint_

Harleen couldn't sleep. Not just tonight, she hadn't really slept in over a week. She was trapped in a vicious cycle of insomnia, discomfort and restlessness. Every part of her body was uncomfortable. Her back hurt, her feet were swollen and she had heartburn all day long. Even though she was still two weeks away from her due date her doctor had insisted she start her maternity leave early. Her blood pressure was elevated, not enough for bed rest but too much for her to stand all day at the store. Having nothing to do all day wasn't helping her sleep. Lately she'd toss and turn and get up and down all night until she finally fell into a light sleep at around seven in the morning. Two or three hours later she'd be too uncomfortable to stay in bed any longer. She didn't know if it was the lack of sleep or the fact that she was spending too much time alone in her apartment but she was starting to worry about her mental health. She sometimes felt like she saw something out of the corner of her eye that wasn't really there and she would swear her hearing had become super sensitive. The sound of cars going down the street roared and rumbled in her head when they had never bothered her before. The most disturbing thing were her thoughts. She had started thinking about hurting people. Not just hurting them, killing them.

She knew that in her first year with the Joker she had killed plenty of people but since she'd been away from Mr. J she really hadn't had any violent thoughts. She'd been pretty calm and happy generally and at times very sad and maudlin but murder hadn't crossed her mind in months. Now she thought about it all the time. Sometimes remembering her past kills, sometimes getting so angry at some minor annoyance that she wanted to kill the person responsible for it. The other day she'd been walking down the street and someone bumped into her and didn't stop to apologize. She'd felt more than the mild offense that she should have, she was filled with rage. She had to stop and calm herself down before she took off and tried to punish the rude pedestrian. She really didn't need to attack someone in public and end up having her baby in a prison hospital. It was getting so bad that yesterday when Pam tried to talk her into eating something besides mint chocolate chip ice cream Harleen had ended up going into the other room and beating the hell out of one of her pillows. She didn't think she'd really hurt her friend but she couldn't be sure. The rage she felt was simmering below the surface all the time and she didn't know how to relieve the pressure that was building up.

Tonight's annoyance was some asshole talking on his cell phone outside her bedroom window. She was on the second floor but that didn't keep the sound from traveling much and with her newly hypersensitive hearing it felt like he was in the room with her. It was one in the morning, why was he out on the street in this neighborhood anyway? Everything on this street was closed up for the night. She considered yelling at him out the window but she had just managed to get comfortable in her bed and even the simple act of getting out of bed and waddling over to the window was a major amount of effort when nine months pregnant. She tried to close her eyes and ignore him. She didn't think she fell asleep but when she opened her eyes she had lost some time and she felt different. Instead of the fuzzy exhausted feeling in her brain she was used to everything seemed crystal clear, sharp and focused. And the low bubbling rage she'd felt lately was flared up so that she felt like hot waves of anger radiated out from her body. The asshole on his phone was still outside and was laughing at something the person on the other end of the line had said. She laughed too, a cold creepy laugh. She slowly maneuvered herself out of bed and went to her kitchen. She pulled open a drawer and took out the largest, sharpest knife she owned. She looked down at it, it was a cheap piece of junk compared to the knives Mr. J had, compared to her knife, but it would have to do. She didn't bother to get dressed, she just walked out of her apartment barefoot and still in her maternity nightgown and went down to the street. With the knife hidden behind her back she walked up to the man on his phone.

"Help, help me please!" She pleaded with the man, acting distressed and breathing hard while she spoke.

"What?" He asked, confused and pulling his phone away from his ear. He seemed to realize what she said and put the phone back to his ear.

"I'll call you back in a minute." He put his cell phone in his pocket and came closer to the extremely pregnant woman in front of him. "What's wrong?"

"I think I've gone into labor. I live nearby but I'm in so much pain. Can you help me to my door so I can get my husband to drive me to the hospital?" She managed to squeeze out a tear and a sincere look.

"Sure, what are you doing out here anyway?" He asked and put an arm around her shoulders. Oh now he was a nice guy, too late pal!

"I couldn't sleep and decided to take a walk. It's just up here to the right." She directed him to turn into the nearest alley. He apparently was not familiar with the area because he went along with her directions without question until they were already off the street.

"Hey, this is an alley. Are you sure this is the way you want to go?" He looked down at her.

"Oh yes, this is exactly where I want to be." She gave him an evil smile and pulled the hand with the knife in it out from behind her back.

She stabbed it into his chest before he could react to seeing the knife. She pulled it out and stabbed him over and over. He only managed a weak scream before she ran the knife across his throat. She stabbed him a few more times hoping to release some of the intense rage she felt. She wished she had Slugger. Beating someone to death with a baseball bat was an incredibly effective way to burn out the fire of her anger. She felt a sharp twisting pain in her abdomen. Like the worst menstrual cramp she'd ever had multiplied by a thousand. After it passed she decided that continuing to stab away at the dead flesh was growing dull and walked back to her apartment. The front of her light pink nightgown was covered in blood. She wasn't concerned about anyone seeing her and no one did. When she got back to the apartment she had another intense pain shoot through her stomach. She didn't let it stop her on her path to the shower. It was unlikely that anyone would find the dead body for a while and if they did it was even more unlikely that they would connect it to her but it still wasn't a good idea to stand around covered in her victim's blood and holding the murder weapon.

She got in the shower and turned the water on. While it warmed up she pulled off her nightgown and threw it onto the floor of the tub. She washed her knife off under the faucet and after she sat it on the edge of the tub she pulled the lever to turn on the shower spray. She managed to get all of the blood off herself before she was hit by another clenching pain that felt like it was twisting her internal organs around inside her. She got out of the shower and put on a bathrobe. She tried to think of what she should do now. She found her phone and did the only thing she could think of, she dialed the only number she knew by heart. His number. It went straight to voicemail. She didn't leave a message, she didn't know what to say. Not knowing what else to do she just paced around the room, taking the pain when it came and repeatedly dialing his number. He never answered. Eventually the pain was so bad she doubled over and almost lost her balance. She started to walk to the sofa to sit down when she felt some pressure and then a gush of warm fluid was suddenly flowing down onto her feet.

Harleen looked down at the puddle at her feet in surprise. She looked over at the clock, an hour ago she had been lying in her bed trying to sleep. Then she'd, what? Fallen asleep and had a dream? Was it a dream? Or had she really killed someone? No, she wouldn't do that. Not now. An intense pain gripped her stomach. She looked back down at the puddle. Oh god, she was in labor, her water had broken! She realized her phone was in her hand, she must have been about to call for a taxi. She made the call and waited for the taxi to show up. Her contractions were getting increasingly close together and she was getting worried. This was her first baby, they told her this would take a long time. Someone lied to her because this whole thing seemed to be moving extremely quickly. She managed to pull on some clothes and shoes and throw a couple of things she would need into a bag between moments of intense pain. By the time the taxi arrived her contractions were only a couple of minutes apart and she was just praying she didn't have the baby in the cab. The driver was probably doing the same thing.

The drive to the hospital was fairly short but by the time Harleen entered the emergency room her contractions were so close together it felt like there was almost no break between them, maybe a few seconds before the next one would hit. She was immediately taken to the maternity ward. She was screaming at anyone who would listen that she wanted drugs but they told her they had to wait for a doctor. Her own doctor happened to be at the hospital with another patient and came down to check on Harleen. She barely remembered any of what happened, it was just a sort of blur of pain and she was so tired from lack of sleep that she sometimes felt like she was imagining the whole experience. The result of her being checked out was that she was almost completely dilated and it was too late for an epidural. She had only just begun to accept the idea that she was doing this drug free when the nurse was telling her she should try pushing with her next contraction. How was this happening so fast? She wasn't ready, she still had two more weeks!

Time suddenly lost all meaning, there was just pain, pressure, exertion and finally an intense burning accompanied by the feeling she was being ripped in half. There were people helping her, saying encouraging things to her but she couldn't hear what, her ears felt congested and everything was muffled. Finally the burning reached an unbearable level and then it was gone. She was pulled out of her misery and her mind and body lit up with power. Her senses cleared and sharpened. She felt like she had after her first kill, the rage she lived with was pushed away and replaced with joy and happiness and energy. And then Harleen heard a cry, her daughter was here and she was crying. The nurse placed the baby up on her chest and even though she was a gooey mess, her daughter's face was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen. Harleen's whole body was shaking with excitement or maybe it was just adrenaline. The nurse took the baby back to clean her up and wrap her in a blanket. She held the baby in her arms and the crying finally stopped. In their first calm moment together they looked at each other in mutual wonder. Harleen realized that she was looking into a miniature version of Jack's face. Other than the golden blond fuzz on her daughter's head, her features were all his. Her eyes were the blue gray of a newborn but behind that you could see hints of the dark brown her eyes would end up being. Harleen couldn't have been more delighted with her beautiful baby girl.


	10. Thirty Eight Weeks, Death

_"Come on you're on fire_  
 _Another syndication dies in your arms_  
 _Another psychedelic choir_  
 _And you're dizzy from the drugs in your heart"_

 _Freak Out, stellastarr*_

The Joker's men were positioned around the Crazy Lady, ready for tonight's confrontation with Kowalski, time to deliver the punchline. Last call had come and gone, it was just about three am, time for the bar to close. The Joker and a few of his guys made their way behind the stage to the dancer's dressing area while the rest kept an eye on the remaining customers and Kowalski's employees. Women in various stages of undress were everywhere and started screaming as the Joker's henchmen gathered them together in one large group. There were about thirty of them working the club tonight. More than enough, he was certain he'd have a few volunteers.

"Good evening ladies!" The Joker greeted them, prompting a new round of screams and the women huddled closer together trying to get as far from him and his men as they could.

"Now, now, there's no need to panic. I'm not here to hurt you, I'm here to offer you a chance to show your boss just what you think of him." He smiled at them. That didn't really help calm anyone down until a woman at the front of the group who had remained calm yelled something at the other women in what sounded like Russian. They quieted down though still looked frightened.

"So listen, your boss is going to die tonight. That's not up for debate. But I get to kill people all the time, I thought I'd be generous and let some of you ladies have a poke at him. _Literally_." He flicked open a switchblade to illustrate his point. There were some gasps and a few cries of fear. Once again his translator in the front jumped in to explain what he said. For the first time since he'd made his presence known the women started to relax and seem interested in what he had to say.

"Would any of you be interested in helping me out?"

The Joker had enjoyed playing with Kowalski over the last year. Oh it was nothing compared to his brief experience with Batman and Gotham City but it was enough to keep him from really losing it over the last few months. When he decided he'd grown bored and that it was time to finally kill Kowalski he put a great deal of thought into how to do it. There was no point in wasting another great joke on Kowalski, the man would never get it. So he considered what would amuse him the most. The Joker personally believed that anyone would turn on their fellow man if given enough motivation. It was one of the many ways he was different from Aleksander Kowalski. Kowalski was at his core just a pimp whose success had maybe given him the idea that he was something more. And like all pimps he used deceit, manipulation and violence to control the people who worked for him. He thought that once he had taken a woman's freedom and identity and forced her to do whatever degrading work he chose for her that he had her loyalty. That she would always submit to him and that she would never rise up against him. There was nothing the Joker would find funnier at this moment than watching Kowalski find out how wrong he was.

"If we do this, what happens to us?" The woman who had been translating earlier stepped forward a little. She was standing there in Lucite high heels, a G-string and little else. Her hair was a dark honey blond, her skin tanned and she had clearly had some surgical intervention to her beauty but she was beautiful none the less.

"What happens to you? Well, honestly? I don't really care. We won't kill you if that's what you are asking. After Kowalski's dead I'm done here." What did she want him to say? He'd enroll them all in community college or something?

After the women talked amongst themselves in a mixture of English and Russian they seemed to come to an agreement. Their self-elected spokesperson walked up to the Joker and held her hand out for him to hand her the switchblade in his hand. He smiled at her and handed it over. She smiled back at him and stroked the lapel of his overcoat. It could be that she just automatically flirted with men, so used to doing it professionally, but he was good at reading people and she seemed sincere. He had met women like her before, they responded to whoever they perceived as the most powerful guy around, the alpha male. His men started handing out knives to the other women and the Joker walked away from the woman in front of him. He knew that she would only be encouraged by his dismissal but he honestly didn't give a shit. He had other things to do. They started to walk back out to the main stage area when his new admirer stopped him.

"That way has a lot of armed men, the back way has only two men. It's this way." She grabbed his hand and led him to a stairway at the back of the dressing area. He actually didn't think it mattered which route they took, they were going to kill everyone upstairs either way but he followed her anyway. She started to pull him up the stairs but he yanked her arm back pulling her down the couple of steps she had walked up. He pulled his hand away from hers and signaled to three of his men in clown masks to go up first. He didn't mind taking risks but he wasn't stupid enough to go up first, why not send up some red shirts first?

He climbed the stairs behind the cannon fodder followed by whichever women had decided to be part of the assault on Kowalski and the rest of his men. He killed one of the two guards while the men he had sent up first took out the other one. Only one of them ended up shot for their efforts, a promising beginning. The door to Kowalski's office was locked but he shot the lock off the door and kicked it in. There was no chance of them sneaking up on Kowalski after the skirmish outside of his office but again the Joker was not concerned. He also knew that the rest of his crew that were in the club had probably headed up the other route by this time and were waging their own battle against most of Kowalski's men. As far as he knew Kowalski had no way out of his office unless he flew out the window.

The Joker wasn't wrong, when he entered Kowalski's office he found standing in his office with a gun pointed at the door and three of his security team were there doing the same thing. Four guys with guns, if he weren't focused on what he was doing he'd stop to laugh at the meager assault team Kowalski had managed to greet him with. He could feel the stripper who had been flirting with him pushing up close behind him as they entered the room, it was time to disabuse her of the notion she had any chance with him. He pulled her out from behind him and pushed her hard in Kowalski's direction. While the men shot at the woman hurtling towards them the Joker took out Kowalski's security team. Well mostly, one of the guys seemed to have only been wounded and was trying to crawl away. He felt a stinging sensation along the side of one bicep, a bullet had grazed him but he was fairly certain it hadn't actually done more than draw a little blood. It did ruin his coat though, what a shame.

By now the rest of the Joker's men and the strippers had entered the room and realizing he had no chance against the number of people pointing guns and knives at him Kowalski dropped his weapon and raised his hands in surrender. Oh that was funny. Maybe he'd been wrong about Kowalski, his thinking he could somehow just put down his gun and make peace was the funniest joke the Joker had come across in a long time. Outside the door across the room the Joker could hear more gunfire, presumably the rest of his gang, led by Spider, fighting it out with whoever was out there on Kowalski's behalf. If they had known how quickly their boss had waved the white flag he was sure they wouldn't be bothering to continue the fight.

"Mr. Joker, I think we can talk this out. You obviously have the upper hand. What is it you want from me? My business? My girls? Money? You just tell me and I get it for you." Kowalski tried smiling, it didn't suit his face.

"I have a question for you instead, Kowalski." The Joker approached the man kicking the now dead stripper out of his way. He pulled a knife out of a pocket and grabbed Kowalski by the back of the head. "Do you want to know how I got these scars?"

Kowalski made no move to talk, he just stared at the Joker's knife. He was apparently aware that it didn't matter how he answered.

The Joker pushed his hair out of his face with the hand holding the knife and licked his lips before continuing. "Once I was just a regular guy with a regular job. There was a pretty girl that worked there and even though I wasn't the best looking guy or a lot of fun to be around, she gave me a chance and let me take her out a few times. So me and this girl are going out and I can't help but fall in love with her. Now I'm saving up my money and making plans for the future. I go out on my lunch break and I buy a ring. I'm going to ask her to marry me. I'm on my way home that same night and I realize I left the ring back in my desk. Now it's not a very valuable ring but it's all I can afford and I can't take the chance it might get stolen so I go back to the office. I get the ring and start to leave but I hear a voice. It's my girl's voice and it's coming from the boss's office. I get curious about why she's there so late and go to check. And what do you think I find?"

"That your girl's a whore." Kowalski answered. When all you've got is a hammer everything looks like a nail. To a man with the mind of a pimp every woman was a whore.

"That's right, I find her getting down on her knees for the boss. She doesn't realize I'm there but the boss sees me and I must have looked devastated because he starts laughing and asks me, 'Why so serious? You should put a smile on that face.' I don't bother saying anything because what can you say when you see your boss's dick in your girl's mouth? Instead I go out and have a few drinks. I get home and look in the mirror and decide maybe my boss was right. Maybe what I need to do is smile more. So I get a knife and I do this." He turned his face to each side to show off his scars. "Now I'm never serious. Now I'm always smiling."

He pushed his knife against Kowalski's mouth. "When I saw you I thought to myself, now there's a guy just like I used to be. Always so serious. Never a smile for anyone. So I've spent all this time and effort just to make you laugh, just to put a smile on your face. What do you say, Kowalski? Why so serious?"

Apparently Kowalski didn't like the Joker's story all that much, he had a disgusted look on his face when he was compared to the man with a knife to his mouth. "Mr. Joker, you and I are nothing alike. You think you can come in here, into my place and take over? You think you kill a few of my whores and their tricks and I'm going to care? You can kill me but you can't take what I have. These people who work for me? They fear me, they work only for me. They won't ever work for a freak like you."

"Oh that's a good one Aleksander. This whole time I thought you had no sense of humor but it turns out you are just one big joke. You think you have power because you step on people weaker than you and make money out of it. Money isn't power. Dominance isn't power. I am powerful because I will it. Nothing else matters. The only power you can ever have is the power you give yourself. This power you think you've taken from other people, it's an illusion. And the minute someone pulls the curtain back and exposes the cowardly little hustler you really are those people you think you've dominated will turn on you and eat you alive. But hey, don't take my word for it." The Joker pulled his knife away from Kowalski and backed away from the man.

"Ladies, time to give Mr. Kowalski a lesson on the illusion of control."

The group of strippers who had been watching the men's exchange with quiet interest seemed to understand that now was their chance to get a little of their own power back even without their translator around to explain it to them. They started approaching Kowalski with fierce faces and accusations being shouted out in a language that the Joker couldn't understand. The first woman who came close to Kowalski was backhanded by him but while he was busy hitting her another woman plunged a knife into his shoulder. Once first blood was spilled the women couldn't get enough of stabbing, kicking, hitting and spitting on the pimp. It was every bit as amusing to watch as the Joker had expected it would be. Once it was clear the man wasn't getting back up he signaled to his men to leave and walked out through the opposite door of the one they came in. Spider and the rest of the crew were just finishing up the last of Kowalski's thugs and seeing the Joker leaving, stopped what they were doing and followed as well.

It felt fantastic to finally finish off Kowalski but the Joker wondered what he was going to do with himself now. He climbed into the passenger seat of one of the cars they had traveled to the club in and turned his phone back on. He hadn't wanted it to go off during his little performance. He looked down and saw he had fifteen missed calls. All from one number and it wasn't one he recognized. Could it possibly have been her? Whoever it was didn't leave a message and it wasn't a Chicago number. He dialed a Gotham number instead.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" Eddy whined into the phone.

"Time for all good little hackers to get their asses out of bed and help me track down a number. I'm going to text it to you. You have half an hour to pinpoint a location for me. I'm headed to the hideout to grab a few things and then I'm heading west." The Joker was not in the mood for Eddy's complaints. He didn't know for sure that it was Harley that called but he had a gut feeling it was.

"She called?" Eddy sounded shocked.

"I don't know for certain but yeah, I think she did. Half an hour for a location the calls were made from and the address the phone bill goes to. Time for you to remind me of why I haven't killed you yet for helping her leave."

"Joker, uh, I know it's none of my business but if it is her….could you let her explain before you kill her? I'm not looking to piss you off but she's a friend and she seemed to really think she had no choice when she told me she was leaving." Eddy tried to plead Harley's case.

"You're right, Eddy, it's none of your business. Get me the address and don't give me relationship advice again." The Joker hung up. He'd figure out what to do about Harley when he saw her.


	11. Discovery

_"Have I been on your mind?_  
 _What's a voice without a song?_  
 _Somethin in your head_  
 _You've been fightin all along"_

 _Raw Sugar, Metric_

Harleen's insurance policy required her to stay in the hospital for twenty four hours after giving birth and since she had given birth in the middle of the night she actually ended up having to stay a few hours longer than that since the hospital didn't release patients at four in the morning. She was so glad to get out of there. Everyone was very nice to her but there was a constant flow of nurses coming in to check on her and the baby and the food was terrible and she was bored out of her mind. One of her problems could have been solved by Pam but no matter how she pleaded she could not get her friend to bring her a cheeseburger. She liked that her best friend had strong beliefs and stuck by them but to deny a new mother the melty cheesy greasy goodness she was craving was just cruel. She had survived it though and was now slowly and achingly climbing the stairs to her apartment. Pam had the baby and car seat, all Harleen had to worry about was hauling her postnatal body up the stairs.

"Welcome home baby Trixie!" Harleen declared when they walked in the door. She had finally decided on Beatrix for the baby's name. It meant she who brings joy. It was true, that's exactly what her little Trixie had done plus it was not exactly unlike the meaning of her father's chosen name.

"I still cannot believe you think with a name like Trixie she's going to grow up to be anything other than a stripper or a girl detective." Pam teased.

"Well she can do whatever she wants because it's her body and her Mama and Auntie Pam will love her no matter what. Yes they will!" She cooed at the baby while unfastening her from her car seat.

"Fair enough. Just make sure she joins the Exotic Dancer's Union." Pam said with a laugh. "I suppose at least she has Beatrix to fall back on if she decides to run for president instead."

"Oh she wouldn't do that. A politician would be a disappointment, I'll raise her better than that." Harleen somehow managed to get the baby out of the seat without waking her up. She was still struggling with getting breastfeeding sorted out but she had mastered some skills like diapering and not waking a sleeping baby under any circumstances. She wasn't sure what to do next. The newness of having her baby to hold hadn't worn off but on the other hand she was exhausted and knew she should try to sleep while the baby was sleeping. Trixie was a good baby but even good babies rarely slept more than two or three hours at a time at this stage. Sensing Harleen's dilemma, Pam came over and held her arms out for Harleen to transfer the baby to.

"Go lie down. I'll be here with her, she'll be fine and you need the rest."

"Thanks Red, you're the best friend a girl could have." She gently put the baby in Pam's arms and went to her room. There was nothing better than the feeling of your own bed after a couple of nights in a terrible hospital bed.

She tried to go to sleep but even as tired as she was it was a struggle. She had a lot on her mind that she hadn't had much time to think about. She was fairly certain she had killed a guy in the alley behind her building the night she'd had Trixie. She could only sort of remember it and if she didn't remember all of that, what other things might she have done that night that she didn't remember? Was it one of her other personas that had done it? Was that possible? Something else odd had happened. Since Trixie was born she felt different. More balanced? More in control of herself anyway. The rage that seemed to drift up to the surface so easily in the weeks before the baby came was not gone exactly but put away. She felt like she could call upon it if she had to but she was no longer worried it would overtake her. Harleen tried to think over how she was feeling and apply her knowledge of psychology to it. Then she sort of wondered if she was still Harleen, she'd begun thinking of herself as Harley again but at the same time wouldn't Harley have tried to get to Mr. J somehow? It was all very confusing. Her thoughts became less and less coherent until she finally fell asleep.

She woke up a couple hours later to the short desperate cries that she was beginning to recognize as signaling hunger and Pam standing over her with the baby. "Sounds like someone is hungry."

"Sorry, I know you need more sleep but I'm not equipped to deal with this problem." Pam handed her the baby.

"I'm starting to think I'm not either. You'd think this would just be easy and come naturally, that's what all the books implied but it's a lot harder than they made it sound." She was still waiting for her milk to come in and she was getting a little frustrated with the situation.

"I'm going to make us some lunch, good luck!" Pam left her alone with the baby.

"Ok, Trixie, we can do this. You're going to latch on correctly and I'm gonna have some milk. We do not want to have to see another lactation consultant." The hospital had sent someone by to help her with nursing and it was awkward to say the least. They finally had some success and Harleen's confidence in her ability to pull off this whole single parenthood thing skyrocketed. Pam had offered to stay the night so that she would have some help but she thought instead she'd let Pam get back to her life. She could do this, she was going to be a great mom. She had to be, she'd given up so much for the chance to be a mother.

After a lunch of vegetables and grains and other healthy things as unlike a cheeseburger as possible, Harleen insisted Pam take off and get back to her plants for a little while. Pam was hesitant to leave but she had been with Harleen most of the last twenty four hours and did have some things she needed to do. She promised to come back early the next morning and see if there was anything she could help Harleen out with even if it was just staying with the baby while she got some rest.

"Oh and Harleen, make sure you keep your door locked. I don't want to scare you but there was a murder right behind your building the other night. They don't know who did it, or even if it was a random thing or not so be careful." Pam told her as she was leaving. Harleen knew she must have gone pale at the news. So she really had killed that guy. Well deep down she'd known it had happened, there wasn't much point in denying it to herself.

"I'll be careful, don't worry about me. I'm tougher than I look." She smiled at Pam and closed the door behind her friend.

The rest of the afternoon was an uneventful series of diaper changes, nursing, naps, and taking photos of the baby. Harley felt like the time flew by despite not actually doing much. It was just nice to be home and not have nurses coming in to disturb them all the time. Harleen even took the time to look up some ideas she had about her personas on the internet. She'd never been very interested in analytical psychology, her focus had been cognitive behavioral therapy but she was remembering something that she thought might apply to her situation and needed to confirm it. By the time she was finished with her research it was fairly late in the evening and she was hungry again. Trixie fell asleep after another nursing session and after Harley put her down in her nursery she called and ordered Chinese. It seemed like only five minutes or so had passed before there was a knock on the door. Living over the restaurant really had its advantages when it came to getting General Tso's chicken sent up in a hurry.

"Well that was even faster than usual!" She said as she opened the door. But it wasn't the delivery person on the other side. It was the Joker. Her mind shorted out and her body immediately reacted to his presence. She felt a hot flush on her cheeks, her heart raced and for a second she couldn't breathe, she just stood there for a moment staring at him. Then she threw her arms around his neck and pushed her mouth on to his, kissing his lips which were not kissing her back. That's when her brain kicked in and shouted 'Oh, shit, he found you!' at her. She backed away from him and looked up at him fearfully. He looked a little surprised at first but then his face became angry and dangerous. She was dealing with her fight or flight instinct when the actual delivery guy came up the steps.

"Hello, Miss Elizabeth, here is your food." It was Tim, the teenage busboy at the restaurant downstairs. She quickly pushed past the Joker and went out into the hall to get her food and pay Tim, she didn't want him dying just because he delivered her food at the very worst possible moment. The Joker never turned around, he just waited for her to come back in. She dropped the bag of food on the nearest flat surface assuming that she wouldn't live long enough to eat it. She walked back over to where she had been earlier. In the time that she had paid for the food she had decided what she needed to do. He was probably here to kill her and if she was lucky he would do it and leave without ever knowing about Trixie. Pam had keys and she'd be here in the morning. She'd find a wet and hungry baby but a live one. She could trust Pam to take care of Trixie for her. That was all that mattered now, keeping the baby safe, there was no hope for Harley. As though to confirm this the Joker flicked out a knife and grabbed her by the arm. He looked her up and down, his face still angry but then he looked different, concerned maybe?

"Are you sick? Is that why you left?" He asked her and eased his grip on her arm. Sick? Oh, she supposed she was sort of generally puffy looking and probably had bags under her eyes from lack of sleep. She certainly didn't look her best but she hoped she didn't look terminal.

"No, I'm not sick. I'm fine, though my vanity is a little wounded now." He looked down at her chest and then back up at her face.

"Don't tell me you came all the way to California to get a boob job, you know they have plastic surgeons in Chicago." Oh good, jokes about how big her tits had gotten. She crossed her arms over her chest and scowled at him.

"If you're going to kill me can you just do it already and stop saying mean things to me." She just wanted him to get it over with and leave. She thought Trixie would sleep for at least an hour or two but babies were unpredictable.

"Well you know I never could deny you anything you wanted, _Cupcake_." He grabbed her by the throat and pushed her hard against the nearest wall. Her head hit the drywall with a hard crack. The impact not only had her head spinning but it apparently was enough to wake up Trixie because suddenly there was a distressed wail coming from the room behind them. The Joker looked up and then back at Harleen.

"Harley, is that sound coming from this apartment?" He stared into her eyes, she felt like he was looking into her soul. She wasn't good at lying to him but she had to try.

"No, it's the apartment next door. You should just kill me now and leave before they call the cops about all the noise."

"Harley, I'm not stupid, there isn't another apartment in this building." He tightened his grip on her neck and pulled her down the hallway behind him. She tried to pull against him, kicking and dragging her feet but he was much stronger than her and soon pushed her into the baby's nursery. He flicked on the light switch and looked around the room. She almost laughed at the look on his face. He let go of her neck and pushed her toward the crib.

"Make. It. Stop." Oh yeah, he was going to be an amazing father.

She went over and gently picked up Trixie. She pulled the baby against her chest and bounced her gently while shushing her. The Joker just stared at her not saying anything. When the baby didn't stop crying she carried her over to the rocking chair in the corner of the room and sat down. After a few seconds of rocking, the crying started to taper off and Trixie's body started to relax into sleep. Harley looked up at the Joker defiantly. She wasn't going to just let him kill her quickly now, Trixie's best chance was for her to fight back. Expecting an attack from the Joker, verbal or otherwise she was surprised when he put away his knife and sat down on the ottoman in front of the rocker. He rubbed his forehead with a gloved hand and then pushed his hair back from his face and looked at her.

" _This_ was why you left?" He pointed at the small pink bundle of baby in her arms.

"Yes, I….yes. She's why I left." She didn't want to make him angrier by explaining her thinking on the matter and she was sure it would make him angrier.

"And you didn't think I deserved a chance to weigh in on this decision?" She looked away from him, feeling guilty.

"I didn't stop to think about anything. I just took off. I don't know, as soon as I knew about the baby I was Harleen again and I just ran." She said quietly.

"Perfect, you not only take off but you disassociate too. Are you still Harleen or is there someone new I should know about?"

"No, I think I'm Harley. I don't think there are any others now, I think maybe I'm finally just me, just your Harley Quinn. I mean….just Harley Quinn." She guessed she wasn't really his anymore. Even if she still wanted to be.

"Good for you." He sighed and then stood up.

"Do you want to see her? Her name's Trixie." She stood up as well and held the baby out to him.

"Not right now, I've been up for the last two days and just drove thirty hours." It was unusual for the Joker to admit fatigue but most people would be dead on their feet after the drive alone.

Harley walked over to the crib and put Trixie back down to sleep. When she turned around to talk to Mr. J she realized he had left the room while her back was turned. She thought at first he had left her for good but it was a small apartment and it didn't take long for her to find him in her bedroom getting undressed. He was unbuttoning his shirt when his phone started beeping in his overcoat. He pulled it out and looked down at it. He sent a message and then turned it off. She wondered who it had been, for the first time in months she wondered what had happened in his life while she was gone.

"Do you want to talk about this? I mean we don't have to, I just don't know what you want." She asked tentatively.

"Right now I want to sleep. After that I honestly don't know. Just don't run off again while I'm sleeping. Can you do that for me?" He was apparently not so tired he couldn't be snarky.

"Yeah, I can do that but only if you promise me you won't kill the baby. You can do whatever you want to me but I can't let anything happen to her." She felt a little bad asking him this since he had not shown any aggression towards Trixie so far but she had to know for sure.

"Now why would I promise that, don't you already know what I'm going to do? Isn't that why you took off, because you were so sure I'd hurt her?" His voice was a mixture of hostility and exhaustion. He was standing there without a shirt and she couldn't help her staring, she was starved for the sight of him. He'd gotten even skinnier while she was gone; starving literally, with no one around who cared if he ever ate. She realized her mind was starting to wander in inappropriate directions. Particularly since she had given birth two days ago and had absolutely no chance of doing anything with Mr. J even if he didn't hate her.

"Part of it but not exactly. It's hard to explain and you're tired. Promise me?" She brought her eyes back to his face.

"I won't hurt her. I wouldn't have hurt her. _You_ should have known that." He turned his back to her as he finished undressing and got into her bed without another word. Harley made it out of the room before the tears started. She knew that when they talked he'd understand, if anyone understood her it was Mr. J, but right now she was overcome with guilt about what she had taken away from him.


	12. Appraisal

_"I'm so tired of this, it brings me down_  
 _I'm nothing when you're not around_  
 _You know you're obsessed and I am too_  
 _'Cause we're the same in the things that we do"_

 _Pornography, Client_

When the Joker woke up the next morning Harley was not in the room with him. He was a little surprised. Since he had unexpectedly shown up at her door her face had mostly been shifting between guilt and obvious desire with a few moments of fear and defiance mixed in. He was expecting to find her in bed with him but apparently the guilt had won out and she had stayed away. He got up and dressed so he could got out to the car and get the bag that had his things in it. He hadn't bothered to bring it in last night expecting to just kill Harley and leave. When he walked through the apartment he didn't see any sign of Harley but he felt certain she wouldn't have left. He assumed she was in the nursery with the baby. He walked back to her room and undressed and got into the shower. While standing under the hot water he finally took some time to try to process what he had found last night.

He'd been confident when he knocked on the door that Harley would be on the other side even if the address they had found was listed as belonging to Elizabeth Wheeler. He had known she had a new name, why not that one? What he hadn't been expecting was the baby. Now he felt stupid for not thinking of it before. He laughed remembering the text he'd gotten from Eddy just before he'd gone to sleep last night warning him that he'd seen something shocking on some security footage he'd found of Harley. Once again Eddy had just missed being helpful with the timing of his information. The Joker was not a fan of surprises and that had been a hell of a big one. Now he had to figure out what to do about it.

He didn't exactly understand why Harley had left him when she found out she was pregnant but if she had lost control of her only barely integrated personalities…it didn't surprise him that Harleen would want to run and hide when she had discovered she was expecting his baby. She had certainly learned from past experience that he was a dangerous person to be around when pregnant. For that matter if she had told him he might have sent her away, he wouldn't like to think what would have happened to her during the last few months if she'd stayed with him during his games with Kowalski. But then again if she had told him maybe he would have stopped toying with gangsters and gone away somewhere with her. He wasn't Jack anymore but he did still have some of his memories, they were vague at times and faded in and out but some things were too important to forget.

She hadn't given him a choice though and he was angry at her for that. The Joker wanted to punish her but he wasn't entirely sure how to do that. She'd proven she could live without him if she had to and had perhaps done a better job of it than he had done living without her. Moving on from the idea of punishing her he had to decide what he wanted to do about their relationship and his new status as a father. If he and Harley did work things out should they be raising their child? He could only imagine what effect being raised by them would have on their daughter. Still the idea of letting someone else raise her was unappealing. Having a daughter out there following along with the rest of the herd and adopting their morals and rules would not sit well with him. Maybe it was best to wait to figure out what to do next after he and Harley finally had their talk.

He got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. Opening the door to let the steam out of the bathroom he saw Harley sitting on her bed. He ignored her and started shaving. He could feel her watching him. If the way she'd been looking at him last night was any indication she hadn't replaced him romantically while hiding out here. That helped take the edge off his anger. He didn't like that he was possessive of her but he couldn't help it. She was his, she would always be his. If he had any rules left in his life one of them was that no one touched Harley and lived. It was impossible to believe she hadn't found someone to connect with. Harleen had been content to be alone in her sorrow in the past but Harley was clingy and affectionate. He looked over at her and she quickly tried to look away but he'd caught her heated glance for just a moment and he chuckled at her attempt to hide it now. When he left the bathroom and started to remove his towel to get dressed Harley quickly jumped up off the bed and started talking to him.

"I'm just going to take a quick shower. Trixie should still be sleeping for a little while but if she starts crying just, um, knock on the door and let me know." She disappeared into the bathroom before he could reply.

The Joker pulled on a pair of jeans and then went in search of coffee. He was used to finding it ready for him as soon as he woke up and he was not his most reasonable self without it. If he could ever be considered reasonable. When he walked past the baby's room he heard little snuffling sounds coming from within. He decided now was as good a time as any to get a look at his daughter. He quietly went into the room in case she was sleeping but found her awake and starting to fuss a little. She was lighter than he expected when he picked her up. Finding herself encountering a new person she quieted and stared at his face, he stared back. She looked so much like him; that was a shame. She had such a beautiful mother and ended up looking just like her father. Harley was probably happy about it though. He touched one of her small hands looking at the impossibly small fingernails on the end of each tiny finger. The baby instinctively wrapped her hand tightly around his finger. This was the moment in a movie where the new father was supposed to lose his heart to his little girl. He laughed and pulled his finger away from her then tucked her into the crook of his arm. She seemed content to just go along with him and they walked into the kitchen to track down coffee. It was a tiny kitchenette and it became clear very quickly that Harley didn't even own a coffee maker much rather have coffee.

"Your mother was so worried about what I'd do if I found out about you, she should have been worried about my reaction to finding out there was no coffee in the house." He grumbled when he finally had to accept that there would be no caffeine for him. He heard keys jingling outside of Harley's door and was surprised to see an attractive woman with long red hair standing about six feet away from him suddenly. She jumped a little and quickly pulled a spray bottle out of her purse.

"Hand me the baby now or I'm going to spray you with something that will make mace seem like a refreshing treat!" The redhead demanded, her face fierce. The Joker started laughing at her, it really was too funny.

"Oh sure, I'll just hand over the only thing keeping you from spraying me in the face with whatever you've got there. How about you put that away instead, hmm?" He grinned back at her.

"Mr. J, there's not any coffee but I'll go get some for you…" Harley called as she emerged from the hall with her hair still wet from the shower and happened upon the odd situation the Joker found himself in. "Oh, no! Red put away the toxic jungle juice, everything's ok!"

"What do you mean everything is ok? Who is that man and why does he have Trixie?" Harley's friend demanded. Harley looked over at him and her face got this sort of gooey expression on it. He rolled his eyes, he knew that seeing him standing in the kitchen shirtless and cradling their baby in one arm was most likely the main theme of her fantasies lately. If he'd had a pint of ice cream in the other hand she probably would have fainted.

"Awwww!" She squeaked and then clapped her hand over her mouth and looked apologetic. She moved her hand away from her mouth and said, "Sorry, Mr. J but you two look so cute together."

"Harley, handle this situation. _Now_." He growled.

"Sorry. Red this is the Joker, he's Trixie's father. And Mr. J this is Pam, she's my best friend." Harley introduced them and they both looked at each other with immediate dislike.

"Her father! He found you?" Pam sounded panicked.

"Really, your best friend? _How sweet!_ " He knew he had a scowl on his face. Harley looked annoyed by both of them but chose to address Pam's concerns instead of his sarcasm.

"It's ok, Red. You don't have to worry. I know you think you understand why I was hiding but I think you misunderstood a little. Maybe I let you misunderstand." Harley tried to calm her friend down. He wondered what she had told Pam about him. Or about herself, certainly not the truth.

"I don't understand, Harley. You said he beat you." Harley's face turned back to his and she started shaking her head no rapidly.

"I didn't say that, I really didn't." She insisted and looked worried. He kept his face neutral and waited to hear what she would say next.

"When we talked about him, Pam, we had just met and I didn't know what to say that wouldn't make you hate me or afraid of me. You asked me if he was violent and I couldn't really say no but it's not in the way that you think. We're both violent people." Pam looked confused. Harley seemed at a loss for how to explain what she meant. She looked over at him. Her eyes asked permission to explain who they were to this woman. The Joker shook his head no, he had no desire to let this woman know anything about him. Harley sighed and then switched her approach.

"I don't suppose you're familiar with Jungian psychology or the concept of a shadow aspect? This would all make a lot more sense with a lot less explanation from me."

"I'm a botanist, Harley. Besides, I don't even like people, much less care how they think." Pam reminded her.

"Right, well remember when I told you that I was attacked and lost my first baby?" Harley asked. He was surprised that she had shared that story with her new "friend". He narrowed his eyes at the redhead and his dislike of her increased. Pam just nodded.

"Well when that happened it changed me, it created something dark inside me that for a long time I tried to ignore but eventually it started getting out of control and I couldn't ignore it anymore. Mr. J, well he doesn't really want me to tell you much about him but let's just say he helped bring that darkness forward so instead of being out of control entirely it was just sort of always there at the forefront, sharing space with the rest of my personality. When I found out I was pregnant I managed to push that shadow aspect so far down I thought it wouldn't come out again so long as I stayed away from Mr. J. That's why I left, that's why I hid. I thought there was a chance he wouldn't want me to have the baby but I knew that my darker self wouldn't let me have it or would do something crazy that would end up with another miscarriage. I wasn't hiding from him, Pam, I was hiding from myself. From who I am when I'm around him." Harley had clearly been giving this a lot of thought, this was the most he'd ever heard her talk about her personas.

"Ok, then why is it ok for him to be here now? If you're afraid of him I'll make him leave." Pam glared over at him. He smiled back at her and she at least had the sense to look unsure of herself. She really didn't know what sort of people she was in the company of.

"Well I was wrong. About the whole thing really. You can't get rid of your shadow aspect by ignoring it, it just gets stronger, darker. I finally figured that out. That guy you told me about, the dead guy they found? I did that, Red. I killed him. My darkness took over and I couldn't help myself. If you don't want to stay knowing that, I understand but I hope we can still be friends." Harley reached out and took the redhead's hand. The Joker ground his teeth together. Just then Trixie started crying and Harley quickly came over to take the baby.

"She's hungry, she hasn't eaten in quite a while." She smiled up at him as she took the baby out of his arms. He smiled back before he could stop himself. She sat down in a chair in the living room area that was pretty evenly separated from both the Joker and Pam. He watched as she adjusted her clothing and brought the baby to her breast to nurse. He knew you weren't supposed to sexualize the beautiful act of a mother feeding her child and all but no one told his cock that apparently or it had just been too long since he'd been with Harley because he was definitely enjoying the view. Then he looked over at Pam and noticed that she wasn't exactly politely turning her head away either. He really did not like this bitch. As though she felt his eyes on her she looked over at him and then her cheeks colored a little. She looked away from him and back to Harley.

"Harley, I think I need some time to think about what you just said. I feel like I should be more concerned that you just told me you killed someone than I'm feeling and it's kind of freaking me out. Maybe I should go for now." Pam suggested and looked like she was about to leave.

"Oh don't leave now, Pammy. I was just thinking I should get to know you better. It's funny, you remind me of an old friend of Harley's. Is it me, Harley, or is there something about her that reminds you of Pete?" The Joker moved closer to Pam, he really didn't want her to go anywhere. She was a loose end if he had ever seen one.

"No, Mr. J! She's nothing like Pete, I promise. Not even a little bit. She's really been a good friend to me over the last few months." Harley looked up at him pleadingly. How disappointing, they'd had such a good time with Pete Blake.

"I think you're wrong, Harley. When she looks at you I can see the same thing I saw in Pete's face, the urge to save you from me. Only this time you aren't seeing things very clearly. Tell me Pammy, have you actually ordered the I Heart My Two Mommies t-shirt for my daughter yet or have you been too busy taking care of _my girls_?" He asked Pam, making it clear by his tone that he was on to her.

"I wouldn't…it's nothing like that." She denied his implication but her face turned red again. Sure it wasn't. He was looking forward to choking this one to death, watching her lying face turn purple. His thoughts must have been too easy to read because Harley spoke up again.

"Mr. J, please." She said quietly. Fine, he wouldn't kill Pam. Not right this minute anyway. But he really wanted to. Instead he decided she needed a display of ownership. He walked over to the chair Harley was sitting in and very carefully picked her and the baby up. He then sat down and placed them on his lap. The baby didn't even notice the movement and Harley gave a happy little sigh when she was resituated. He gave Pam a nice friendly smile, one that showed just how he felt about her. She gave him a dismissive look and turned back to talking to Harley.

"If you're afraid you'll be someone that would hurt the baby around him then why are you letting him stay. I'm worried for you and Trixie."

"It's different now. I don't know why. Maybe having Trixie healed something that was damaged when I lost the first baby or maybe she just made me so happy that there's too much light for my shadow to be as strong. I don't know what it was but for the first time in a really long time I feel in control of it, I've assimilated my shadow aspect and it's part of me now all the time but it doesn't control me. I think I'm going to be ok and I'm definitely not going to hurt Trixie. Neither is Mr. J. But she still needs her Auntie Pam around too."

The Joker was so disgusted by the last sentence he decided to distract himself, he looked over Harley's shoulder and watched his daughter suckling at her mother's breast. Her tiny hand was resting on Harley's chest and when he reached down and slid his finger under it the baby automatically gripped his finger. Now he was feeling disgusted by how adorable this little family tableau was becoming and looked back up at Pam. The look on her face was pure venom directed at him; that cheered him up considerably. Rather than pull his finger away from the baby he smiled at Pam and wiggled his baby wrapped finger in her direction. It was obvious she hated him as much as he hated her and probably for similar reasons. Wonderful! In one day he'd located Harley, met his daughter, and found someone new to torment. His life had gone from empty and boring to full and exciting once again thanks to his Harley Quinn.


	13. Reunion

_"I'd given up on you, you shot a hole in my heart straight through_  
 _When you pushed me aside, three weeks I cried_  
 _But now you've got me back, You know I'll never up and run_  
 _Yeah I'll stay here, I"ll stay right here"_

 _Everything Goes My Way, Metronomy_

When Pam left, Harley was optimistic that they would still be friends. It wasn't certain, Pam needed time to think but she hadn't run out screaming and threatening to call the police so that seemed like a good sign. Because she hadn't thought Mr. J was looking for her or would ever find her she had never really considered whether or not he would like Pam. Apparently the answer was not. They clearly hated each other. She would never say this to either of them but she thought it was because they were more alike than they would care to admit. They were both passionate about their beliefs and their beliefs were definitely not mainstream. They both looked at the big picture and thought the people of this world needed someone to wake them up to reality. Pam wasn't quite as prepared to hurt people to do that but Harley didn't think it would take much to push her to that point. And they both seemed to love her or at least want her all to themselves. She should probably be mad about that but it made her feel sort of warm and happy instead. Especially being on the receiving end of Mr. J's gestures of possessiveness. They still hadn't had a chance to talk things out but she nearly cried with joy when he came and sat with her, even if it was clearly just an effort to irritate Pam. If that's what it took, Harley might have to convince Pam to move in with them just to keep the Joker as affectionate with her as possible.

He had left not long after Pam to go find some coffee while she got Trixie bathed and dressed. Harley hoped he was really getting coffee and not out tracking Pam down to kill her. She thought it over and decided at the very least he would get the coffee first, giving Pam time to get home without the Joker tailing her. Harley looked at herself in the mirror and wished she looked more like Harley Quinn. Her hair would be the easiest to fix, her post pregnancy body was going to take longer; it would probably never be exactly the same again. She knew Mr. J cared about more than what she looked like but when he got back they were going to end up discussing their relationship and she'd feel more confident about how that would turn out if she felt more confident in general. At least she thought he didn't really seem mad about the baby. Just about her leaving him to have the baby. Her optimism took a nosedive at that thought. What if he never forgave her for leaving?

When he came back Harley was sitting on her sofa with Trixie sleeping soundly and snuggled against her chest. He sat down on the other side of the sofa and just looked at them. He was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt with no grease paint. She'd only seen him looking like his true self briefly the night before, she understood why he wasn't walking around San Francisco that way but she missed what she had come to think of as his real face. She tried to think of something to get some conversation started between them. Like any new mother the only thing she could really think of was the baby.

"Do you like her?" She meant Trixie but Mr. J misunderstood.

"No, I hated the bitch. I can't believe I let her walk out of here alive."

"I meant the baby. Your opinion of Pam wasn't exactly hard to figure out. But thanks for not killing her. I don't think I would have made it through the last few months without her." Harley felt a little like crying when she thought of her grateful she was to Pam for her friendship.

"Oh good, another reason I should kill her." He licked his lips and tilted his head to the side and considered Trixie for a minute. "I do like the baby, you didn't need to hide her from me. Did you mean what you said to your, hmm, friend? Did you mean what you said about why you were hiding?"

"Yes, I did. And she really is just a friend. She's never tried for anything else. Maybe I should have known you wouldn't hurt the baby but you should know there will never be anyone else for me, no matter what." She could tell this being jealous of Pam thing was going to get old very quickly.

"That's good, Harley. I'm the kind of guy who doesn't like to share, _not even a little tiny bit._ " He put emphasis on last few words. She had almost forgotten what it was like to listen to him talk. The ever changing rhythm of his words, how he could make the most ordinary sentences dance.

"Not even with Trixie?" She didn't want him to see their daughter as competition for her attention.

"That's different, she's part of us." She smiled at him when he said that. Her smile dropped with his next sentence.

"Are you sure you want her to be raised by us, Harley? Really sure? We could find her a different home, something safer." She could feel her lower lip quivering a little, she tried hard to keep from crying. He could obviously tell that idea upset her. "It's not that I don't want her but she's not going to have a normal childhood. If we're raising her, she's going to be like us. She'll probably know how to build a pipe bomb before she can do long division. She'll never be like everyone else."

"Well why would we want her to be normal? That sounds terrible. Of course she should be like us! You don't want her to be like everyone else either." She got a little loud with her indignation at the suggestion that her beautiful baby could ever be ordinary and the baby shifted around a little in her sleep.

"No, I wouldn't want that. I just wanted to make sure you understood how things would be. We've been apart for a long time and you've apparently gone through some changes. I'm not entirely sure what to expect from you." He looked down at his fingernails clearly avoiding looking at her. It was a kindness she supposed, but she could finish his thought without seeing it in his face.

"You mean you didn't expect me to leave you." He raised his eyes to hers. She didn't look away, she had to make him believe it would never happen again. They couldn't have some lingering resentment about it haunting their lives.

"I have changed. Do you remember when you told me I had to leave the cocoon, back at Arkham?" He nodded at her slightly. "Well I'm not sure I was really ready yet. I wanted to be, for you. I wanted you more than I cared about myself but looking back I think I needed more time. Now I think I'm finished. I guess I can't really know for sure but it feels right."

He didn't say anything but she could feel him searching her face for the truth. She wanted to be able to move around, to touch him but she was trapped under the soft warmth of their sleeping child. She stood up carefully and after quickly telling Mr. J she would be right back she took Trixie to her crib and laid her gently down. The baby stayed asleep even after the transfer and Harley felt hopeful that she could talk to the Joker uninterrupted for a while. When she returned to the sofa she sat down across his lap instead of returning to her previously occupied spot. He didn't stop her or protest her relocation. She put her arms around his neck and looked into his eyes. They were a warmer brown without the dark black make up that was usually around them.

"I'm sorry I left. It wasn't the right thing to do, I should have talked to you first. I promise I will never do it again. Not ever, ever, ever. Will you please forgive me and let me be yours again?" She didn't bother to stop herself from crying now. When he didn't answer her right away she lowered her arms and laid her head on his shoulder and sobbed. He stroked her hair while she cried but still didn't say anything. She didn't want to be soothed, if his answer was no she wanted to cry away the sea of pain she felt like she was drowning in. It didn't matter what her mind wanted, her body soon calmed from his touch. When she quieted he finally spoke.

"Harley you will always be mine, it doesn't matter where you go, how far away you are. But don't ever leave again." He ran his fingers over the textured scar on her arm that said 'Joker's Girl' as he spoke.

"I won't, Puddin', not ever again." She sat up and looked at him. He rolled his eyes when she used her favorite name for him.

"I think I deserve at least a year long reprieve from that name for all you've put me through." He gave her a stern look but his eyes were amused. She giggled at him.

"I'll do my best but I can't promise anything. You're so sweet I can't help myself." She took a chance and gently kissed him. Unlike the night before he responded to her kiss and then deepened it. Mr. J put his hands and on either side of her face and pulled her closer as he pushed his tongue into her mouth. This moved it from a tentative kiss full of doubt to the desperate transference of all the longing they had felt for one another over the last six months. It was the sort of kiss that left bruised swollen lips behind and yet Harley still didn't feel like it was enough, she wanted more. She pushed her hands into his tangled hair and raked her nails against his scalp causing him to moan into her mouth. She felt like she was on fire with pleasure and then she suddenly felt something odd. She pulled away from Mr. J's mouth and looked down. Apparently getting sexually excited was enough to trigger her let down reflex and the front of her shirt was wet with milk. She looked back up at the Joker and saw that he was staring at her chest now.

"Ok, I don't want to provoke some sort of postpartum psychosis so, uh, am I allowed to laugh at that, because it's pretty funny." He asked her. She could already hear the laughter starting to fight its way out of his mouth.

"Sure, laugh it up!" She snapped and punched his arm as hard as she could. He didn't hold back now and was laughing hysterically. She jumped off his lap and went to change her clothes. This whole motherhood thing was just weird at times. Before she put on a dry shirt she went to check on Trixie. Finding her awake and kicking her little legs in her crib she picked her up and took her over to the rocker to nurse her. The milk was already flowing, might as well feed the baby. Within a minute or so the Joker poked his head into the room, apparently in control of his laughter now.

"Sorry, Harley. Really, I am." His face and voice were still amused and far from sincere but she couldn't stay mad. It was pretty funny.

"It's ok, I just wasn't expecting that to happen. I'm still getting used to this whole being a mom thing." The interruption wasn't entirely unwelcome, things had been escalating between them and she was going to have to put the brakes on at some point.

"I think it's fair to say that no one was expecting that." He chuckled again. "While you're feeding her I'm going to call Eddy and get things started for our move. ID's, funds, locations. All the stuff he's actually good at since he's terrible at finding people as it turns out."

"Do we have to move? We could stay here. It's a pretty nice place." She had started to think of San Francisco as home and didn't really want to leave.

"Yes, we have to go. This isn't the right place for us. We might be keeping things low key but we're still gonna need some excitement occasionally. You were lucky you didn't get caught the other night, we need some place with a little more space for chaos. And Harley you know if he comes out of hiding I'm going back to Gotham. Trixie doesn't change that." She sighed. She'd kind of hoped their child might be enough to keep him from pursuing his take down of Batman and Gotham City. She should have known better.

"Sure, Mr. J, I know. So where are we going?" Harley crossed her fingers and hoped he'd say Hawaii this time.

"I think..." He looked focused for a second, like he was looking over a list of options in his head. "Mexico."

Well at least it was someplace warm. And she'd never left the United States before so it was pretty exciting to get to visit another country. She liked it, Mexico sounded like a great idea. She hadn't really liked Chicago very much even before her life was turned upside down and inside out. She looked over at Mr. J to let him know she approved of the plan but he was already pulling out his phone to call Eddy. It didn't matter, she would follow him anywhere. She'd even follow him back to Gotham someday when the time came.

"Eddy, I'm relocating to Mexico." The Joker announced into his phone. "That's not your business….fine if it will shut you up about it. Harley say something to Eddy, he's afraid you're lying dead at my feet or something."

He held the phone out in her direction. "Hi Eddy, still alive and kickin'!"

The Joker pulled the phone back to his ear. "So, we need a place to stay, something nice and actually habitable for a change…. Three passports and other documents... Yes I said three…. A girl and you are now the only person in Gotham that knows that so if anyone else finds out I'll know exactly where they got the information from. As I was saying, I'll send you the names to use. Also you need to transfer some money into a legitimate account…. I don't know, a few million, it's all just a bunch of 1's and 0's for you to play around with isn't it? Just make sure to keep enough in there that we can do what we want….As soon as possible, we need to get out of here as quickly as we can…Not that it's any of your business but no I didn't do anything, Harley did, plus she has this bitch of a friend I can't get far enough away from."

She knew that last part was for her benefit. If Mr. J really wanted to get rid of someone that badly he'd just kill them, even if it upset her. Harley knew him well enough to know that Pam was just the sort of person he'd enjoy playing around with. She'd have to work hard to keep her Puddin' from driving her best friend crazy with his games. Maybe fatherhood would mature him. She laughed out loud at that ridiculous idea. The baby pulled away from her nipple and looked up at her mother when she heard the sound.

"Sorry, Trixie, just laughing at your daddy. He's not very fond of Auntie Pam. But we like her, don't we? Yes we do." She cooed down at her daughter as she picked her up and started burping her.

"I'll believe it when she tells me so herself." Mr. J chimed in pointing to the baby. He was off the phone and came to sit on the ottoman next to Harley and the baby. She handed Trixie to him so she could go put on a dry shirt finally. When she was done dressing she found Mr. J sitting on the living room sofa with the baby on his lap. She resisted the urge to squeak with happiness but they were just too cute together. She sat down close to the Joker, leaning against his arm, and watched their daughter's adorable face.

"So she's still awake, what do we do with her now?" He asked.

"She'll just be awake more and more. We could do whatever we want. She's too little to play but you can talk to her. Babies like being talked to." Harley tried to sound more like an expert than she really was. She wasn't entirely sure what to do with this tiny little person either.

"How about I tell her a story?" Mr. J suggested.

"Yay! That's a wonderful idea, you are the best ever at telling stories!" It was true, he was gifted at using his voice to enthrall her. Whether his story was true or made up it was always captivating. And his stories always had a happy ending because the hero always won and the bad guys were always punished in terrible ways.

"What should it be? 'The Brave and Heroic Joker versus the Scheming Mobsters of Gotham City'? 'How the Genius of the Joker Destroyed Gotham's White Knight'? Oh I know, here's one Mommy hasn't heard yet, 'The Tale of the Amazing Joker and How He Killed the King Scumbag of Chicago'!" His last suggestion had Harley clapping and bouncing in her seat. She had wondered what had happened in Chicago while she was gone and now she was going to get to hear the most dramatic and exciting version of the events possible.

"Once upon a time, in a cold and windy city by a lake…."


	14. Epilogue

_"Temptation to exist_  
 _Obsession to persist_  
 _Death-defying romance_  
 _Give me another kiss_  
 _Show me what I've missed_  
 _Baby, since our last dance"_

 _Temptation to Exist, New York Dolls_

Mornings in the Kerr household had gained a routine over the last few weeks. The Joker, still waking up with the sun every day, let Harley sleep while he took care of Trixie. Not that he wasn't an amazing father but they did have a nanny now so how much work he actually put into taking care of the baby was entirely dependent on his mood. Most days he'd give her a bottle of milk that Harley had pumped the night before while he drank his coffee. He'd generally keep her occupied with the help of Marta, their nanny, until Harley woke up. He left the rest of Trixie's day to Harley and Marta usually. He had to assume his daughter would get more interesting when she mastered some basic skills like sitting up on her own. She had recently figured out how to smile, they were working towards laughter. Some things were more important than being able to sit up.

Today their routine was going to get a bit of a shakeup. When it got close to the time that Harley usually woke up the Joker sent Marta out with the baby. He and Harley needed some time alone. They had something important to work out and he wasn't going to let Harley use Trixie as an excuse to avoid it like she had so many times before. He walked back to their room and found Harley still asleep. His first impulse was to jump on the bed or wake her up in some equally annoying way but that wasn't going to help him with his plans for the morning so instead he decided to try waking her gently. He carefully climbed into the bed and studied her sleeping form. Her hair was blond again and back to the long length it had been before she ran off though she almost never wore it in pigtails anymore and the red and black were still gone. He swept a lock of hair away from her face and kissed her cheek near her ear. When she didn't move he kissed her bare shoulder instead, she stirred a little. He bit down gently on her shoulder this time and she finally opened her eyes.

"Morning, Puddin'." She said as she stretched her body and then turned toward him. Her promise not to call him that wasn't really working out.

"Where's Trixie?" She asked. He usually brought Trixie in for her second feeding when Harley woke up.

"Trixie is out with Marta." He started pushing the sheets and blankets down away from her body.

"Where did they go?"

"I don't know, I don't care. Marta's going to keep her out for the next hour so you don't have to worry about what Trixie is doing. You should however be very concerned about what I'm going to be doing." He tried to pull her nightgown off of her body while leaning in to kiss her. Before his lips met hers she pulled away and pushed her sleepwear back down.

"But I usually feed her now. I'm going to get all super milky and uncomfortable." She whined at him.

"I could help you out with that." Instead of kissing her lips as he had originally planned he started kissing his way down her chest.

"That is definitely not going to happen so stop asking." Harley's breasts had become completely and totally off limits to him since she had Trixie. The only time he even got to see them was when she fed the baby. There were a lot of different reasons why this breastfeeding situation was not working out for him. Of course he missed her tits, but more importantly he didn't like rules and before this there had never been any with Harley. He also had a certain curiosity to know what it would be like, he'd had her nipples in his mouth hundreds of times in the past but imagining the new experience of suckling them and tasting her milk was very intriguing. And then finally the fact that it was a fairly taboo thing to do really excited him. He liked doing things society had generally agreed shouldn't be done. Society said you shouldn't slit someone's throat either but he loved doing that. So the question of him enjoying Harley's milky breasts was one of when and not if. He always got what he wanted eventually. He realized he was getting distracted, he had an entirely different agenda today.

"Alright. Let's not talk about the baby. Let's talk about why we haven't had sex since the baby. Your doctor told you it was ok two weeks ago. I think I've been pretty patient but I need an explanation if this is going to keep up." She turned her face away to avoid looking him in the eyes while she made up whatever ridiculous excuse she was going to offer him. He grabbed her face and turned it back toward his. "Or we could skip the talking and fuck instead?"

"I know it's been a while but we've still had fun right? I mean it's not been terrible or anything." That was true, it wasn't that they weren't getting each other off but it wasn't quite the same.

" _A while_? Harley, it's been eight months. Now obviously we weren't together for most of that time but it's been way too long. I need an explanation now or we're going for it."

"I've been scared, ok? Now you know. I'm a big scaredy cat." Her cheeks colored and he was pretty sure she was telling the truth even though it was an absurd reason.

"You, Harley Quinn, are scared to have sex with me, the Joker?" He asked with a laugh. "I really didn't see that coming. What is it you're afraid of exactly?"

"Well it was kind of a train wreck down there after Trixie was born. I mean sure it looks healed up but what if it's not really. What if sex hurts?" She wasn't telling the truth now, or at least not the whole truth.

"Well if it hurts we'll stop. Or maybe we won't, if I recall correctly neither of us is exactly put off by a little pain now and then." He kissed her but she moved her face away after a few seconds. He growled and ran his hand down his face in frustration.

"Just tell me, Harley. We both know you aren't being entirely honest and this is starting to piss me off." She looked at him with a quivering lower lip. If she started to cry this was never going to end in sex.

"Sorry, just tell me what's really bothering you." He said in a much less aggressive tone. With an embarrassed look she finally admitted what it was.

"I'm afraid you won't like it. I mean a six and a half pound baby blasted through there, it's probably awful now." Ok, fuck her tender feelings, he was not going to hold back his laughter at that. And he didn't, he laughed so hard he was having trouble breathing. At some point she got angry at him and tried to get out of bed but he just pinned her under his body while he continued his laughter. He finally got himself under control but looking down at her wrathful face almost got him started again.

"Ha, ha, ha…that was hilarious Harley. You really got me that time. Yeah. I'm sure it's going to be just _awful_. Let's find out, shall we?" He lifted his body off hers enough to pull his shirt off over his head. The distraction of seeing his body seemed to erase the anger from her face.

"Ok, but if it hurts or you don't like the way it feels you have to promise we'll stop." She still sounded worried. Unless she'd grown teeth down there in the eight months since he was last inside her there was no chance he wasn't going to enjoy this. Actually he could probably still enjoy it even with teeth so long as she was careful with them.

"I promise but you really are worried about nothing. Just relax and let Daddy show you how silly you've been about all of this." As soon as he said the word Daddy, Harley got a horrified look on her face. "Oh, come on! You cannot be serious!"

"It's just you really are a daddy now and it's just doesn't seem right to use it like that." Her words trailed off as she stared up at him and then she swallowed hard. He was sure his face was cold and angry and probably frightening her. He wrapped his hand around her neck, not squeezing it exactly but applying some pressure.

"Harley? _Nothing_ I'm about to do to you is going to remind you of my role in our daughter's life, I guarantee it. I was feeling pretty patient earlier, I was prepared to be, oh…. not tender, but considerate of your needs anyway. But now, we're going to do things my way." He waited until she nodded her agreement before he started kissing her again. He might be getting tired of her timidity but he wasn't going to do something if she really didn't want him to.

He moved his hand from her throat up to her jaw and pulled her into a kiss. After a few seconds she seemed to finally relax and enjoy herself. He slid his tongue against hers and felt her hands start stroking the skin on his back. He ran his unoccupied hand up her smooth thigh until he got to the line of her panties. He shifted his own body out of the way in order to wiggle the material down her hips and finally off completely. Over the last two weeks he'd had the new experience of being the primary sexual aggressor in their relationship, he was getting tired of it. He'd spent the first year or so of the relationship constantly responding to or denying Harley's advances. She could never get enough of touching him or being touched by him. He wanted that back. Maybe it was too soon since the baby but he was going to do what he could to encourage his wild, slightly crazy harlequin to come out and play. He grabbed her hips and rolled them both over so she was on top and straddling his waist. She giggled a little but kept kissing him.

Their kissing grew more intense and he tangled his hand in her long blond hair, pulling just enough to hurt. He missed her pigtails, they were so handy for grabbing and pulling. She moaned and bit into his bottom lip, not quite hard enough to draw blood so he pulled on her hair harder and she understood him well enough to bite down harder. He tasted his own coppery blood in his mouth and then felt her tongue slide around as though trying to lick up every drop she had spilled. The taste of blood seemed to push her into a more frenzied state. Harley ran the tip of her tongue over the length of one of his scars. He didn't exactly understand why doing that excited her so much but it always did, maybe it was the intimacy, doing something no one else ever would with the Joker. Sometimes though it was more like she was tapping into the source of his madness, into the source of their shared madness really. Today was one of those times, when she raised her face and shifted to lick the other scar he could see that her eyes were wild and vacant. She was shifting her hips back and forth, rubbing her bare pussy over his lower stomach, he could feel her slick wetness against his skin. He pulled his hands out of her hair and unfastened his pants. She held onto him and stopped moving while he shifted around to push his pants off and the minute they were gone she slid down his body to push her wet folds back and forth over his already very hard cock.

Before the Joker could do it himself she had wrapped one hand around his dick and had moved it so the head was lined up to slip into her opening. He decided to let her push down onto him rather than thrusting up into her. He was happy that she showed no hesitation, her fears were far from her mind at the moment. She did move her body onto his at a maddeningly slow pace and once he was fully inside of her she stopped and looked down at him questioningly. Looking for some sign that he liked what he was feeling. She was so ridiculous sometimes. She felt warm and slippery; pretty much exactly the way he remembered her. There might have been just a touch more room but he was well equipped to fill all the available space. In answer to her unasked question he grabbed the back of her head and pulled her down into a kiss while sliding his cock out and thrusting back into her with a groan. Finally overcoming her concerns she sat up and started riding his cock fast and hard. He laughed with pleasure at the real return of his Harley Quinn. She pushed her hand over his mouth to stop his laughter but started laughing herself when he licked her palm. She took her hand away and slapped it hard onto his chest with a giggle.

Seeing her happy and giggling while rocking back and forth on him was pure pleasure. Maybe too much pleasure. He'd gotten plenty of attention from her hands and mouth lately but he hadn't been inside her for so long that he found himself rapidly approaching orgasm. Harley felt so wet and was moaning so much he hoped he'd be able to get her off quickly so he wouldn't have to hold out much longer. She spread her legs further from the sides of his body and leaned back, bracing her hands on his knees for balance, a move that pushed his cock deeper into her pussy. Seeing an opportunity to end his struggle for control of himself, he slipped one hand between their bodies and fingered Harley's clit. Her breath started coming in pants and she quickened the motion of her hips until she was screaming and clenching around him. She stopped moving as her orgasm reached its peak but he was more than ready to come so he continued thrusting into her, making her scream louder. Finally letting go of last bit of control he had he came hard inside her.

Harley flopped down onto his chest, panting and occasionally moaning with residual bursts of pleasure. She started giggling maniacally, it was a sound he associated with her beating someone's head in with a baseball bat. Slugger was leaning against the wall of a closet somewhere, he hadn't seen any action in months. The Joker resolved to take Harley away somewhere to have a little murder spree just as soon as he could get her to leave the baby with her nanny for more than a couple of hours. It could be like a date night, that was something parents did, right? Go out and rekindle the spark of what their life was like before baby came along? Now he was laughing along with her. She raised her head up off his chest and smiled at him.

"Sorry I was worried for nothing, Mr. J." She gave him a quick kiss. "I guess you were right, as usual."

"Of course I was, Cupcake, but we haven't really tested things out yet, that was just a warm up." He licked his lips and gave her a smile. "After all, we do have eight months to make up for."

She had a focused look on her face, as though she was calculating how many times they would have normally had sex during an eight month period. Then her mouth curled into a wicked grin. "Well we'd better get started then, shouldn't we, Daddy?"

Just as he had thought to himself earlier, he always got what he wanted eventually. And now, finally, his naughty little Harlequin was back. Time to show her just how much her Mr. J had missed her.


End file.
